2K Sports add confusing new controls to NHL title

I believe that gaming will lead to our next evolutionary step. That step will be to grow more

fingers so we can use increasingly complicated game controllers. Remember the days when one button did the job? Then we had two. Then three. Then four. Then six. I have a controller here with 19 buttons. 19! The scary part? I've found uses for all of them in some games! I wasn't able to move my hand for three days after playing, but I found a use for them.

From the company that released a baseball title with what felt like about 37 different playing methods, comes news of a new control scheme for NHL 2K6. The new controls involve pressing down on the right analog stick to make passing more realistic or some such nonsense. I'm sure hockey fans will be delighted, assuming they actually want realism and don't actually just want to play a good game of hockey.

Pretty soon, you're going to need a PHD to play some companies' games. Mark my words. Entire universities will be set up dedicated to this. You'll be able to earn a degree in hockey games. You can stand there proudly, degree in hand, knowing you are now an expert in your chosen field. Knowing that you are a god! Able to play NHL 2K11 with precision and speed. Women will throw themselves at you. Which, if you're a woman, could be more than a little disturbing. You'll be able to brag in bars and be bought drinks, as you detail how you aced Advanced Passing 304 and glided easily through Goaltending 417. Buildings will be erected in your honor. Small children will run up to you for your autograph. You'll grow old and rich, passing on your knowledge to a select few, who will be the keepers of the knowledge for decades to come, so when you die, the knowledge needed to play hockey games well will not be lost. You will die, at the age of 97, knowing you achieved something great.

Or, maybe not.