Ask Massively: Breaking up is hard to do

For this week's Ask Massively, we are straying from the relatively safe harbor of hardware and the pristine pastures of philosophy and diving right into the dangerous depths of relationship advice. Some columnists might be afraid of tackling issues like this, but not us. We don't know the meaning of the word Quixotic. (seriously... can anyone tell us?)

Turn down the lights, turn up the music, light up some candles, and get ready to get down because The Love Doctor is in.

Dear Massively,

I have a new love in my life! She's exciting, fun to be around, and willing to do things that nobody else has done to me before. (that, and she's not afraid to show me her... well.. you know.) I really want to commit, long term, to this person, but there's just one problem. I'm committed to a prior relationship. We've been together for nearly 4 years, but she's cold (darn near Blizzard-like, you might say) and distant, and doesn't really respond to my needs and desires anymore. She can still be fun to hang out with, but we are still together mostly because she's the "one I know best". I'm convinced that she's never really going to change, but that's OK, because I really like her. I'm just not nearly as in love with her as I used to be.

Can a player like me really have multiple relationships in this day and age? Or is it just not meant to be?

– Don't hate the player...

For those of you who haven't figured out the allegory at work here, seek help. For the rest of you, feel free to read on after the jump where I... er... I mean The Love Doctor will give you the answer to all your problems.

Well, Player, The Love Doctor has some good news for you today. It is absolutely possible to be in multiple satisfying relationships at the same time if you have the time, patience, and of course, the money. Your "relationships" don't require constant attention, nor do they require that you be particularly faithful. As long as you have the money, they have the time.

Unfortunately, the allegory has to end here because it may be easy to say "As long as you pay the subscription fees, you can play as many MMORPGs as you want", but the reality is a little less obvious than that. The first consideration is, obviously, time. Do you have the time to play multiple MMOs? Many people have a hard enough time to play one while at the same time getting everything they want out of the experience. Some people, like myself, play as many as 5 MMOs actively, but with a job, wife, and family, I obviously don't spend the time in any of those games required to experience end-game content or do anything that might loosely be construed as "hardcore". I play a bit here and there, and when I find myself "grinding" or even, heaven forbid, bored with a game, I move on to something else. Eventually, I make my way around the circle and come back to the game. If not, then that is when I consider cancelling my subscription. For example, I didn't play Everquest for nearly 9 months when I finally decided to cancel my subscription.

The next consideration involves the relationships that you invariably form while playing your favorite MMO-du-jour. Over time, guild mates become close friends (if they aren't already when you join a guild). Those relationships can keep you playing a game long after the game itself has lost it's charm. In an ideal world, you could take your entire guild with you to a new game, but not everybody has the same taste in MMOs. You might decide that you absolutely love Age of Conan, but your best friend may decide that he can't justify buying that game because he has a small child at home and can't enjoy such a game with his young one. Perfectly legitimate, but no less uncomfortable.

Another factor at work is that splitting your time and attention among multiple games means that you will eventually fall behind your friends and guild mates who elect to stick with just one game. If you aren't prepared to engage in periodic "catching up" sessions, then playing multiple MMOs probably isn't for you. Could you imagine walking away from World of Warcraft at level 60 and coming back to the game as your old guild is knee deep in Karazhan or beyond? Don't walk away from a game for months at a time and expect to be able to pick up where you left off. Games, especially MMORPGs, change frequently, and you will need time to get reacclimated.

Ultimately, your relationships with your friends and guild mates will determine whether or not a new game will make you leave your old game behind. As much as I enjoy Age of Conan, I'll keep playing World of Warcraft because of my guild mates and friends. World of Warcraft itself has very little to offer me that I haven't already experienced. "What about raid content?" you ask? Believe it or not, the "loot treadmill" was never a big deal for me. Adding a new raid instance here and there isn't enough to keep me interested in a game over the long haul. When my friends move on to other games or lose interest in a game, I most likely will do the same. Conversely, if I don't have the same group of friends in a new game that I have in the old one, I'm equally likely to lose interest once I get an idea that I've experienced enough of what the game has to offer that I can walk away satisfied. That is the most crucial barrier that new games have to pass, and the most difficult to predict.

If you have a question that you don't mind me paraphrasing (read: butchering) into a witty, yet pithy, theme for Ask Massively, feel free to drop us a note via our tip line or via email at ask AT massively DOT com. As always, offers from Nigerian Ministers of Oil and Finance will be treated with the respect that they deserve. (which, in this case, involves a shredder and a trashcan)