Wading through the Internet of Crap

CES 2017, brought to you by a whole lot of nope.

Senior Editor

UpdatedWed, January 11, 2017 at 3:00 PM UTC

Connected home gadgets were everywhere at CES 2017 -- we saw WiFi cameras, smart walking canes and Echo clones aplenty. But while several of them were truly innovative, there were some that made no sense at all. Just because something has Bluetooth or internet connectivity that doesn't make it useful. Even more ridiculous are devices that have voice controls when they don't actually need them. As Nick Offerman said on our Engadget stage a few days ago, sometimes the best tech is low-tech. As far as tech for tech's sake goes, here are some of the worst offenders from this year's show.

I generally like Oral-B's electric toothbrushes -- I have one at home -- but the Genius 8000 is a little ridiculous. It uses your phone's front-facing camera to make sure you're brushing your teeth correctly, ensuring that you don't skip or underbrush important zones. Which sounds all right at first, but then Oral-B says that in order to do this, you need to mount your phone on the bathroom mirror in order to use it properly. Yeah, I think I'll pass on that.

I have a chronic bird's-nest problem with my hair, so when I heard about a smart hairbrush, I thought it would somehow be the solution. Unfortunately, the L'Oreal and Withings Kerastase Hair Coach won't quite do that. It has a microphone to listen to how frizzy your hair is, a gyroscope to make sure you're not pulling on your hair too hard when brushing, plus a conductivity sensor that'll tell you if your hair is too wet. All of which you can figure out with a regular hairbrush, no sensors required.

Maybe I've lived a blessed life, but I've never had a problem making toast. Ever. Yet Griffin decided there was a need for a Bluetooth-connected toaster that'll make burning bread that much easier. The companion app will tell you the right setting for different kinds of bread, and it will even send you a notification when your toast is done. In case, you know, you can't tell just by waiting around for a few minutes.

You can use your voice to control your TV, to ask for directions and to check the weather. But now you can use it to throw away the trash too. With Simplehuman's new Sensor Can With Voice Activation, simply say "open can" or "open sesame" to toss away your unwanted scraps. That's useful if your hands are full, though a foot-pedal can would probably work just as well.

What really makes this a ridiculous product, though, is its price: The single-bin can will retail for $180, while the double-bin option costs around $230. That's a lot of money for a thing you put your trash in. Plus, the same company already makes a motion-sensor-controlled can.

Not everyone will agree with me on this one, but hear me out. I can understand the appeal of talking to your fridge and telling it to order more peanut butter from Amazon. But you’ll have a hard time convincing me something like LG's latest Smart InstaView is necessary.

Even if you do insist on a personal assistant, you can easily get an Echo Dot for far less than a brand new chillbox. As for a giant touchscreen for leaving notes and checking the weather -- features on both LG and Samsung smart fridges -- your phone will do the same job for a fraction of the price.

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Oral-B Genius 8000 smart toothbrush

I generally like Oral-B's electric toothbrushes -- I have one at home -- but the Genius 8000 is a little ridiculous. It uses your phone's front-facing camera to make sure you're brushing your teeth correctly, ensuring that you don't skip or underbrush important zones. Which sounds all right at first, but then Oral-B says that in order to do this, you need to mount your phone on the bathroom mirror in order to use it properly. Yeah, I think I'll pass on that.

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Wading through the Internet of Crap

CES 2017, brought to you by a whole lot of nope.

Oral-B Genius 8000 smart toothbrush

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