Steve Parsons

Reviews

Reviews By Steve Parsons

The Bards Tale reviewed

Don't you just hate it when a classic name is appropriated, only to be sullied by a grossly inferior product? Take The Italian Job (1969). A movie about a gold heist in, you guessed it, Italy. A classic film in every respect. Compare The Italian Job (2004), which completely misses the point, has very little to do with Italy, and the main action takes place in America. Classic title, pillaged to sell mediocre action flick. Sadly, the game industry is not against digging up the dead and rifling through their pockets either. The Bards Tale, to those of a certain age, was a classic RPG. Many hours spent battling the forces of evil, with pretty pitiful graphics backing it up. Now, just like Infogrames violated the dead and chose Atari as their moniker in an attempt to cash in on my generation's nostalgia (what do you think we are? Stupid?), the original Bards Tale has been sullied by a mediocre third person adventure whose only saving grace is the fact that Cary Elwes (of Princess Bride fame) voices the main character. Console users have already suffered. Now it's the turn of PC owners. Enjoy.

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PC Gaming By Steve Parsons

Rise of Legends

Recently, while surveying the shelves of my local purveyor of both fine and crappy video games, I happened upon the Rise of Nations, Gold Edition. I remember playing the unexpanded version when it came out, and thought it was good. In fact having gotten the game and expansion in a box, I would go as far as to utter the word "classic" in regards to it, with possibly a question mark at the end if I actually cared what other people think. You can't keep a dead horse down (or something), and thus, like the rising of the sun, there is a sequel in the works. Well, sort of. They don't seem to be going the obvious RON2 route. Big Huge Games have a site up for the game, Rise of Legends, where you can check out the inevitable eye candy, and download the video of their E3 demo, and generally get all excited and bouncy. Can lightning strike twice, and give Big Huge two classics with the word Rise in the title?

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

Auto Assault screenshots

Maybe you grew up playing the Steve Jackson Games product known as Car Wars. Perhaps you experienced it with Games Workshop's attempt at the genre, Dark Future. Maybe you've heard of neither of them. Doesn't really matter if you haven't. The simple fact is, if you've ever been struck in traffic, you have at some point wanted rocket launchers on the front of your car. Auto Assault is yet another MMOG entry, this time set in the world of vehicular combat. Instead of carrying an unfeasible amount of firepower around with you and running round a world on foot, you'll be driving instead. (At least that makes more sense.) We've covered it before, and now there's new eye candy for you to peruse. If the game captures that unique Car Wars vibe, it'll be huge. Here's hoping!

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

New Gun trailer

We've had a look at Gun before. The game, as stated in the earlier post, was hyped to the hills at E3. Now Activision have graced us with another trailer, this time focusing on the games story. No spoilers here. I know some folk will want to approach the game clean without knowing the story details, and I'm not about to wreck that for them, but as game stories go, it's pretty good. Plus it's a western, a genre which gets ignored in gaming, which is a real shame. It's one thing to wander into a room with a BFG. It's another to know the six shooter in your hand is all you have. Neversoft are at the helm of Gun, a company best known for the Tony Hawk series. One thing is for sure. Those boys know how to make a good game.

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PC Gaming By Steve Parsons

Blizzard issues new patch for Starcraft!

Okay, so with the recent patching of Diablo II, it shouldn't really come as a surprise, but damn, the game is how old, and they still support it? That's just awesome, given the way some titles are supported. One patch and it's forgotten. Or worse! While there is a vocal minority who dislike Blizzard after their legal wrangling with the Bnet.d project, the fact that any company still supports a title this far into its life is amazing, and any company that supports a product this long deserves praise. Myth II is still being patched, but it's done by the fan community, who do a fantastic job. (Bungie, as you well know, have since moved on to other things.) I really can't think of any other game as old as Starcraft that is still actively supported by it's developer. Anyone?

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PC Gaming By Steve Parsons

Fable PC goes gold

The much hyped Xbox game finally makes it way onto our desktops. Interestingly, the announcement of the Xbox version going gold comes one day short of a year from the Xbox announcement. Spooky. PC folks, being that much more discerning (HA!) will receive not just a quickie port of the Xbox version. Oh no, that'd be far too easy. The PC version will have all new content. Kinda like those double dip DVD's the movie studios are so fond of. Only the PC version of Fable isn't a rip off, and probably is worth your time. (Unlike most DVD special editions.) The game is set to arrive at your merchant of choice on September 23rd.

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

Harvest Moon. Farming made fun.

Imagine the pitch: "In our game, you're given a bit of land. You have to weed it, get rid of stones, plant crops, feed animals, and water the crops. Then you get to do it again the next day. And the next. And the next. In fact every day you play the game, you'll be doing this." When you put the concept down in simple English, it sounds ridiculous. Yet oddly, Harvest Moon is probably the pinnacle of relaxation in gaming. There is something soothing and relaxing about the repetition of the tasks. In short, if Zen was distilled into game form, it would be Harvest Moon. The latest game, More Friends of Mineral Town, despite having been out in Japan since 2003, has finally made it's way to us English speaking GBA owners, and very good it is too. Also, due to it's relative obscrurity, you can pick it up pretty cheaply at your nearby evil corporately controlled retail environment. Score! So if you want a bit of mellow gaming while waiting for the train, Harvest Moon can be your happy place. Now excuse me, I have a cow to inseminate.

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

The garden of UT 2007 delights

If there is gaming in heaven, it looks like this. Some eye candy for you FPS maniacs to drool over, from the upcoming Unreal Tournament sequel. You know, I've become increasingly cynical about graphics quality in preview screenshots, but damn, sometimes you've just got to throw your bitterness away and just stare. Only complaint is it looks a little hazy. It doesn't have that ultra crisp unreal (no pun intended) CG look, but then real life doesn't look that blurry. At least not without sweet lady alcohol. Still, the shots look freakin' spectacular! The UT engine has always managed to achieve spectacular results, but this engine looks like it's going to be something else! Of course, you'd better start saving for the graphics card you're going to need to run it at anything approaching a playable framerate. This'll make the latest ATI and nVidia look like first generation Voodoo!

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

Nascar Total Team Control

NASCAR has its primary fan base in the south, as anyone who has paid any attention to the sport knows. Now certain things don't play well down there. Like fancy pants drivers from California. Knowing that makes the decision to place Jeff Gordon as the prominent face on the cover of EA's new NASCAR game more than a little surprising. Put a guy who, from what I've been told, is universally hated down south, on the front. Great move. Sure, they've got Jimmie Johnson on there as well, but the connection continues, since last I remember, Jimmie drives a car owned by... Yep, Jeff Gordon. Stick Junior on the cover: gold. Hell, even Tony Stewart, despite being despised by some, would have made more sense, but Gordon? Mind boggling. Maybe next year they'll shove Jimmie Spencer on the cover, just to make amends.

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

Netjak on how to be a frugal gamer

It stinks being a gamer and having very little money. At least with consoles you can rent stuff, and if it takes a very special game to gird your loins, rental is great, since most games invariably become dull before the rental period is up anyway. Netjak have some tips on how to be a frugal gamer. Some good advice. However, there is one caveat with second-hand PC gaming that has to be noted. Those bloody CD keys they insist on using these days to prevent *cough* piracy. (Yes, I'm quite sure they're not used to track your gaming habits as well.) I've seen multiple instances where someone has bought a game, only to get the dreaded "CD key in use" or similar message. The person who sold the game kept the keys for themselves, and you, mister frugal gamer, just got screwed. In only one case has a company coughed up a new key. (And that was Interplay, and they were completely past caring by that point.) Buyer beware! The advice on buying old consoles is solid. Buy a Dreamcast for less than a PS2 Greatest Hits title, and go nuts with homebrew software and emulators. Gaming gold, for less than whatever million selling piece of crap Sony is trying to sell you.

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

Very short Tony Hawk American Wasteland preview

Another year, another Tony Hawk game. Though really, given the style of the new one, it should be called Grand Theft Skateboard. American Wasteland, like its crime and violence based counterpart, will see one vast streaming level. Very nice, even if I do still have a giant soft spot for those wonderful Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 levels. I could skate that school level for hours. Team Xbox have some media on the subject, though of course don't put too much stock in that. The game is looking good though, and really, for skateboarding, it's Hawk or nothing. (How many people remember Grind Session?) PS2 and Xbox will have online, so you can work on your skills and be publically humiliated at the same time.

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

Blind man to play Mortal Kombat on TV

As loathe as I am to give any exposure to that travesty of a network known as G4, today may be one of the few times the channel isn't a complete cesspool. For today, on Attack of the Show, you will see blind gamer, Brice Mellen, face off against another blind gamer, Ryan Conroy, in the first Mortal Kombat Challenge. Dubious? You shouldn't be. Brice recently beat MK's creator at his own game! The shows first run is 7pm EST/4 pm PST, that's if you can stomach G4.

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

The history of football games

In the beginning, there was the word. That word was football. Football gaming has been around for many years now. Most folk, it seems, grew up on a diet of Genesis/SNES football games. The console where arguably, Madden made its mark. So for those wee bairns who know 16 bits or greater, Gamespot have a history lesson for you. Travel back in time. Revel in the horror that was the Atari 2600 football game. I mean say whatever you want about the groundbreaking machine, don't let the rose tinted glasses fool you, its football game was crap! Fortunately, monopolies not withstanding, we have improved considerably. Saints be praised.

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Xbox

Xbox By Steve Parsons

King of Fighters arrives tomorrow for Xbox

King of Fighters is a great game. In 2D at least. Sure, Tekken and Soul Calibur are not without merit. In fact Soul Calibur III is looking especially fine. However, Tuesday the 23rd, aka tomorrow, belongs to King of Fighters, as the 2002 and 2003 iteration will arrive on Xbox in the US. The PS2 version has been out a while now, and while this isn't the Xbox's first US KOF title, there have been others, but it'll probably be the best so far.

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PC Gaming By Steve Parsons

Widescreen gaming

Widescreen rocks when it comes to movies. Anyone who thinks the laughingly named "full screen" is the way to go with movies needs to be locked in a room until they know better. Widescreen gaming is taking a little longer to take off, though. Having recently gotten a widescreen laptop, I eagerly installed games, figuring most would support widescreen. Nope. Squish-o-vision ahoy. Rise of Nations? NADA. Neverwinter Nights? No dice. Raven Shield? Not a chance. Doom 3? Guess. Having done some digging, I came upon Tiger Dave's website, dedicated to widescreen gaming, with a list of games, old(ish) and new, with details on how to convince them to play nice on screens with a 16:9 aspect ratio. If it's popular, it's probably listed. One caveat: Sadly, if you want to view the screenshots of games running in all their widescreen glory, you've got to cough up some cash.

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PC Gaming By Steve Parsons

Lord of the Rings Online = Purty

Another day, another MMOG on the way. While World of Warcraft is doing incredibly well, there's still apparently room in the market for another MMOG monster, this time based in the universe that pretty much spawned every other fantasy universe. Here is some Lord of the Rings Online eye candy for you, and dear lord, it's lovely. The outdoor environments look amazing. However, they don't like amazing enough to think "That can't possibly be legit!" The developers are currently aiming at a 2006 release. So a little while to wait, young hobbits.

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PC Gaming By Steve Parsons

Nitpickers Q&A: Civ IV

Sid Meier: Strategy God. With the rate sequels are usually churned out, it's amazing it's taken as long as it has to reach number four in the Civ series. (We'll ignore the redheaded stepchild that was that other breakaway series.) Having never played Civ online, I'd never heard of settler spamming. When developers start making changes like these, it worries me that they've spent more time trying to hamstring exploits than actually developing a quality game. Time will tell, I guess. The Q&A up at Gamespot also has lots of other tidbits to tease/depress Civ fans.

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

Serious Sam 2 website scares, annoys.

Serious Sam was a great old school shooter with a sense of humor. The graphics engine was magnificent and fast, and it evoked the earliest shooters (as far back as Robotron) by hurling an ungodly amount of enemies at you. The enemy with bombs for hands was inspired. Slower-paced shootes like Doom 3 and Halflife 2 have their place, but damn, when you've got a horde of enemies running at you screaming at the top of their lungs... Now that's entertainment. As is the way of the games universe, a sequel is on the way. (We'll ignore for now that the title was already used on a pseudo sequel that amounted to a standalone expansion.) The official website is up, and ready to annoy. Why do web designers think having a site yell at you when you go to the first page is a good idea? The game is coming on PC and Xbox.

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

Madden '06 not feeling the love

So, you'd hope that for their first year of exclusivity, EA would bust out a classic title. A Madden for the ages. Erm, apparently not. A goodly chunk of average reviews, reports on message boards that in both solo and online, you can tell what play is going to be used. Reports from hardcore fans that really, it's got a new passing method, and a roster update. Other than that, it's Madden '05. In short, it's looking like EA didn't even wait a year or two before kicking back, putting their feet up, and saying "Screw it". All hail our new football overlords.

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PC Gaming By Steve Parsons

rFactor preorders

If race sims are your thing, you may want to bust out your credit card and/or your PayPal account. rFactor can now be preordered. If you've not yet had the pleasure of playing the demo, you can download the multiplayer test on the site as well, and see if the game will actually work on your system, or whether you have a computer that should be in a museum somewhere, gathering dust. If you do, don't be disappointed. In 100 years, it'll probably be quite valuable.

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

Konami release dates

Eurogamer has the scoop on a pile of Konami games coming down the pipe, including the latest in the much beloved Castlevania series. There is also one that sounds suspciously like a popular ABC drama that doesn't involve Desperate Housewives. Of course it has to be a coincidence, given that game development is like elephants mating, wherein: 1) It's done at a very high level. 2) It involves a lot of loud noises and wailing. 3) It takes two years to accomplish anything.

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

The Madden Challenge

No it's not to bore the crap out of millions of gamers with your asinine blithering. Nobody can challenge Madden on that. Nope, this is the yearly Madden Challenge, where hardcore Maddeners (Maddeneers?) get together to stomp each other senseless over a game of console football from the No Fun League. IGN has a list of venues where you can go and get your ass kicked by a 14 year old, unless of course you have the mad(den) skillz. Sorry, couldn't help it.

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Gaming By Steve Parsons

Metal Gear Solid Subsistence Online

It's hard to believe this will be the first time the Metal Gear franchise has gotten online. Of course, there has only been two titles this century, and it's a remix of the latest that will see the game finally get online. Some new info has come out on what we can expect from the online modes, and it's sure sounding nice. Sweet, sweet MGS online action. *drool* Now can someone PLEASE duct tape Uwe Boll's hands behind his head so he can't ruin one of my favourite franchises of all time? Oh crap, too late.

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PlayStation

PlayStation By Steve Parsons

Killzone 2 screens

Okay, so the demo at E3 was a big scam. A 5 FPS rendering sped up to 60, but damn was it gorgeous! Gameplay? Not bloody likely. Sure was purty though. Sadly we can't offer gameplay shots today. In fact these new shots look suspiciously like the demo from E3 to be honest. There is a nice design rendering of one of the vehicles that's worth a look though. Is Killzone 2 the reason to buy a PS3? Depends if you liked the first one I guess. It's sure high on my list.

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Buying Guides

Buying Guides By Steve Parsons

Top Ten hugely overrated games

Anyone who has been reading the site a while knows that I'm a Gran Turismo junkie. Have been for many years now. So seeing the game at number 4 on this list hurts. From what I've played of it, and heard others say, the claim that Forza is now the king is a little premature. It also pains me to see Metal Gear Solid 2 on the list. Okay, so the plot is complete rubbish, but I'm a complete mark for Solid Snake and all his adventures. Even if you are playing as boygirl Raiden. However, everything is redeemed by the number one choice. A game I chose as the most disappointing of 2004.

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