NFL shuts down church's Super Bowl Bash, ratings to blame

C'mon folks, everyone and their grandmother will likely be watching the Super Bowl this coming Sunday (even across the pond), and even if you have no interest in the Colts, Bears, or large men in awkward suits, someone in your family probably feels otherwise. Nevertheless, the NFL showcased its mighty power (and terrible decision making) by condemning Fall Creek Baptist Church's "Super Bowl Bash," saying that advertising a fee-based party that utilized "license-protected words" was against regulations. Furthermore, ditching the door charge and the taboo language wasn't good enough to solve the problem, as "the law" limits Super Bowl (wait, can we say that now?) party TVs to a quantity of one, and that single set must not be over 55-inches. Needless to say, we don't doubt that good few of you fine, law-abiding, tax-paying citizens will be catching the big game with a couple of your friends on your 60-inch plasma (or 100-inch projection screen), but we'd highly recommend building an underground bunker between now and Sunday to make sure your plans are safe. Of course, bars and other eateries are somehow exempt from this bogus rule, and as expected, all the grumbling stems from Nielsen's obvious inability to estimate just how many folks are watching a single tube on this advertisers' dream night, but ratings drops or not, we wouldn't mess with Touchdown Jesus.