Finally, HD DVD users now have the empirical evidence they've been looking for to prove that the universe really is conspiring against them. We figured we'd make ourselves useful over here and give you a list of things you can do with your poor, obsolete HD DVD player -- starting with taking it out to dinner, excusing yourself to the bathroom before the check comes... then getting the hell out of there.
Entertainment center cup-holder
Destroy it. Office Space style.
Oh, the humanity
Mail it to the office of Howard Stringer in protest of Blu-ray's victory.
Plug it into your clothes dryer's 240-volt outlet. Woops, honey! My bad, guess we have to buy a Blu-ray player now.
Finally, replace your Betamax player.
Buy the Blu-ray player of your choice, put it in the box, attempt to return it as "defective."
Channel it through Whoopi Goldberg and make some pottery with it.
Put a Blu-ray disc in the tray and then call up Toshiba when it doesn't work. Repeatedly.
Put it in a time capsule, just to confuse future generations.
Buy a few dozen of 'em and build a little hut for your Blu-ray player.
Lock it alone in a room with a few lethal weapons... let it die honorably.
Use it to upscale DVDs, which is all you ever used it for anyways.
Of course, feel free to leave your own suggestions in comments.