Jonathan, you out there? Screw those people, they clearly don't understand what it is to be a kid and to want an awesome gadget so badly you can taste it. We've been there our whole lives. Since, as a publication, we can't just adopt you and raise you as our own, I will personally send you an Xbox 360 and some games -- but only on the condition that you swear to you'll never let your douchebag family play with it. Hit me up at engadget at gmail dotcom, make sure you can identify yourself so I know I've got the right person.
Update: We've been flooded with email from well-meaning geeks and even Microsoft; just about everyone wants to help us hook up Jonathan. We totally appreciate the sentiment, but we've got this covered. We think we've gotten in touch with his family (who let us know he never got an Xbox, and the whole thing really was a prank on the poor kid); once we know for sure we have the right people we'll post again.