Caption Contest: Blue shells can't slow Miyamoto down

Monumentally important game designer and producer Shigeru Miyamoto made waves this week by saying he was / wasn't retiring from duties at Nintendo. There's been plenty of confusion regarding what his new duties at the company will entail, but this image makes it pretty clear. All hail Nintendo's new shopping mall test driver.

Tim: "I'm developing a new power-up. It's called Golden Parachute."
Richard Lai: "I once gave Kaz's ex a ride on this."
Myriam: "I guess the shrink ray finally works."
James: "The new Hotel Lobby level proved a success"
Billy: "What? At least it's a hybrid."
Mat: Miyamoto looks forward to exhibiting at next year's Tokyo Motor Show.
Brian: "Miyamoto had an important message to impart on the youth of today: do enough magic mushrooms, and you're going to end up driving your car through a mall food court."
Sean: A clean shave and a suit jacket revealed far more than Mario had ever intended. "Well," he thought, "at least I can still keep the 'M' logo."
Jon: "In movie news: Photos from the 'lost camera' sequence in the upcoming The Hangover III started surfacing today..."
Darren: "You should see what happens when I get Star Power."