Steve Parsons
Articles by Steve Parsons
The Best and Worst of Box Art
There has long been an argument over whether games should be considered art. There is never any debate over whether box art should be, though. Album cover art has long be revered, but game cover art is largely ignored. Today, let us consider the humble game box. That packaging surrounding the floppy, the cartridge, that shiny CD or DVD you just bought. Is it art? There are some great examples of box art. Even on games from years ago. Press The Buttons has a look at the best and worst Nintendo covers over the years. And boy do the bad ones stink!
Winning Eleven coming to PSP
The worlds greatest soccer game is coming to Sony's pocket rocket. The PSP version of Winning Eleven 9, or Pro Evolution Soccer 5 as our European friends know it, will have a lot of the same features it's console big brother has. Lots of teams. Slick gameplay. Bluetooth will also be supported, for when you simply must thrash a friend 17-0 with Costa Rica. You'll also have the ability to swap created teams. No word on a US release date, but expect one.
Sega's big secret revealed?
Sega have Secret Level working on a top secret project. A project believed to be the rebirth of a top Sega franchise from Days of Yore. One enterprising individual has discovered that Sega recently filed the name After Burner with the US patent office. Okay, so it's a bit of a leap, but could it be that this, of all properties, is the one Sega wants to relaunch? Curious decision if it is!
PS3 is gonna cost ya!
The world's favourite console managing lunatic, Ken Kutaragi, has come out and said Sony Playstation 3 will be rather expensive. (There's a shocker, eh!) They can't say the price right now (most likely because they don't even know it), but it will be, quote, pricey. As we know, Microsoft is taking a pretty hefty hit on the Xbox to get it into your living room and to win your mind. The expected retail price of the PS3 is a rather stiff $400!
Worthplaying Previews The Movies
Sometimes it seems like Black & White 2 gets all the love. However, lots of people out there are greatly anticipating another of Peter Molyneux's games, entitled The Movies. Worthplaying have thrown out a nice preview of the upcoming game, due on PC this year and on Xbox in 2006. The last game about moviemaking that comes to mind was Disney's magnificent Stunt Island, from back in the deep dark days of DOS. The phrase "broken clavicle" still echoes around my head from time to time. Ah, the memories. The Movies will undoubtedly have a fervent community built up around it, just like Stunt Island did. As the review says, "I'm both excited and horrified by the possibilities!"
Xbox Live! Community Doubles in One Year
That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Xbox Live now commands a whopping four accounts! I kid, I kid! You can put down that energy sword! If you believe this article, Xbox Live now consists of two million members. That's a lot of gamers! Supposedly, according to this article, that equals one new member every 30 seconds. I am, however, far too lazy to do the math to confirm or deny this. In the time it takes you to read this story, someone has signed up for Xbox live. (Unless you read exceptionally fast, in which case you are on your own.) This is largely a fluff piece pimping Xbox Live, but it gives a look at what can be expected when Xbox 360 appears later this year, and the pay service is revamped for the new system. Still, two million members. Staggering to think, eh?
Conker: Live and Reloaded Reviewed
The foul- mouthed little rodent returns! Ever since Microsoft assimilated Rare, the Xbox has waited patiently for Conker—or any decent Rare title—to appear. It was originally supposed to be a version of the N64 game, but has blossomed in so much more Conker on the Xbox comes complete with online play, for those who shell out hard-earned dough on an Xbox Live account. If you've ever wanted to wade into combat as a squirrel toting a weapon of mass carnage, today might be your lucky day. (Though you should probably seek medical attention shortly thereafter, as you quite clearly need psychiatric help.) In short, if you find poo funny (as you should), then you'll probably like this game. The humor in Conker is very much hit or miss. You'll either find it hysterical, or be turned off completely. We shall henceforth refer to it as The South Park Factor.
Ray Liotta Cast as Dungeon Siege Villain
Liotta playing a villain. How unusual! Yes folks, the voice of Tommy Vercetti will be playing the lead villain in the upcoming Dungeon Siege movie. The good guy will be played by Jason Statham, from The Transporter (among others). These two are joined by a large number of well known faces, including Burt "the last decent movie I made was Boogie Nights" Reynolds. Sadly, any hopes this movie will be good are immediately destroyed by the fact that Uwe Boll is ruining making it. If an Uwe Boll movie fell in a theater with no one around to hear it, would anybody care?
The Decline of PC Gamer
PC Gamer is a magazine that has been heading down the toliet for some time now. Print magazines in general are developing a reputation for being notoriously out of date when compared with the ever increasing number of ways to receive news over the net. I personally lost all interest in PC Gamer around the time of the Half-Life 2 source code break-in. The editorial staff lost all sense of rationality when that happened. That was the final straw in the inexorable decline for me. Seems I'm not alone in noticing the decline. Admittedly, this Gamers With Jobs lament focuses on another problem with the magazine, which has become but a shell of its former glory. There are often claims that PC gaming is dying. Could the slow demise of PC Gamer be a harbinger of this disaster?
Crash Tag Team Racing Preview
The original Crash Team Racing on the PS1 was a blast. Sure, it stole a few tricks from a certain game involving a certain Italian plumber, but it was fun nonetheless. Now thrashing around tracks with Crash is coming back for a second pass with Crash Tag Team Racing. Interesting (read: trivial) note: while the PS2 version will have two player split screen multiplayer, the Xbox and Gamecube versions will have four. Yes yes yes, your console is better than ours, blah blah blah. Crash Tag Team Racing is starting to sound like it might bring some interesting ideas to the party (and to think, all we expected was a bottle of scotch!), specifically, the "clashing" mechanic. You start out with a basic vehicle, but during the race you can join up with another car to gain, quote, "mutual benefits". Intriguing.
Buh-Bye, Halo 2 Hax0rs
The good folks at Bungie seem to be getting a little tired of cheaters ruining the online experience for decent, upstanding fraggers. That's why the latest Halo 2 autoupdate throws high-tech cheat-crippling detection thingys (patent pending) into the mix. The update focuses on detecting trainers, hacked save games, and all the other tricks that certain inbred miscreants use to ruin the Xbox Live experience. And just what are the consequences of being caught cheating on Xbox Live? A one-way ticket to PERMABAN™ Street. Go get 'em, Bungie!
In condemnation of poor UI design
The more that comes out about Battlefield 2, the more it seems that it was extremely rushed. How often is a patch released which causes more problems than it solves, and the developer recommends you uninstall the game and start again? Insanity! Game Girl Advance have decided to deliver a swift kick to the user interface of the game, apparently choosing to kick a game when it's down. Apparently the server browser is especially poor. It really sounds like anything that could get screwed up, did get screwed up on that game. Ouch! There's also a nice dig at the lack of a "server redial" feature. This is hardly a unique flaw for Battlefield 2. Very few games seem to support this idea. Lord knows why. An interesting read if you were considering purchasing Battlefield 2.
25 To Life delayed
Could it be Eidos are waiting for the heat to die down? With the ongoing, and unendingly tedious debate over San Andreas coffee, a subject which grows more irritating and tiresome by the day, games are the current topic du jour among politicians looking to grab a little spotlight for themselves. 25 To Life had already taken some abuse from certain fame whores in the US political scene, so it wouldn't be at all surprising to see the game quietly delayed a little. After all, as a saying from where I grew up goes, todays headlines are tomorrows chip wrappings. (Google is your friend.) Regardless of the reasoning, 25 To Life is now delayed until October. Sorry.
Rebel Without A Pulse
This game easily wins the award for funniest title in a good while. Technically speaking, the full title is Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without A Pulse, though Rebel Without A Pulse just seems funnier on its own. Unless they happen to attach a James Dead gag. (Since he, invariably, doesn't have a pulse either.) Gamepro snagged some of those happenin' screenshots we all love so much. Feel free to marvel at them, only to be incredibly disappointed when the game ships and looks absolutely nothing like it. Will it be a dull game with a cool title? Or will it live up to its mildly chuckle-inducing name? Who knows? Well, of course the developer knows, but they aren't very likely to exclaim "our game stinks!" to the masses. Urge… to watch Shaun of the Dead… rising…
Who lives in a pineapple in your PS2?
What did Mario start? More party games, this time featuring the cubic pants wearing sponge beloved by so many children (not to mention an ungodly number of adults, including myself.) Coming with the marvelous subtitle Lights! Camera! Pants!, you'll be able to join Spongebob and friends (and Squidward), in a variety of games. You know the drill by now. This is the umpteenth party game, so it'll be the usual multiplayer riot, and slightly less of a riot in single player. The screenshots show an UmJammer Lammy style rhythm game it seems. Nice! It's coming on PS2, Gamecube, Xbox and PC. That's a lot of systems! Though I hardly imagine people crowding around the PC. (One would hope it has online play.) So for those who are so inclined, it appears we're invited to a party at Bikini Bottom. Pants are apparently not optional.
Killer 7 Reviewed
This months PSM magazine refers to Killer 7 as, and this is paraphrased, a gaming work of art. While the game has it's problems, they say it's absolutely gorgeous to look at, and a great example of the whole "games as art" debate. The game, by all appearances, is hardly what you'd call mainstream. Reading this review makes my head spin. I had largely dismissed the game, but now I'm intrigued enough to at least rent it. The game is not without it's issues, but it sounds like it might actually have a spark of creativity, which is not something many games these days can be accused of.
Revisiting a classic
I was always more in the Sega camp than the big N. If I ever played Bionic Commando, I don't remember it, and I have a pretty good memory for such things. (Unless it involves 1991-1992. Don't ask.) 1UP has revisited a classic title from days of yore. This time it's Sonic The… Just kidding, it's Bionic Commando, duh! Harkening back to the NES, you can marvel at the sheer graphical awesomeness! Of course, kids today will dismiss it due to the graphics, but us old folk know that gameplay is king, right? Right? Hello? Bueller? Interesting to learn that in Japan, the game was titled Top Secret: The Resurrection of Hitler. Can't possibly imagine why they felt the need to change that title. Though apparently, you can still get to see Hitler's face explode in the US version. Sweet! That alone is a reason to track it down.
Bust a Nietzsche in yo' ass!
The politicians ramble on and on. They need no evidence. They present hyperbole as fact, proclaim hearsay to be truth, and shake their heads in disgust at the latest atrocity vaguely related to a video game. In an argument which will sadly never end until we're all stuck playing My Little Pony, it's more than a little surprising to see someone break out Friedrich Nietzsche in defence of videogames! The article points out some harsh truths. Videogames definitely DO have their place in the nature of violence. The cure, however, is not to ban the game, but rather to catch the folk who go off the deep end before they hit bottom.
GUN trailer and screenies
GUN was the subject of a great deal of hype and speculation at E3. Activision have only now decided to give us a trailer. And some screenshots, of course. The game is looking good, though the trailer is most definitely NOT for the squeamish. The western, somewhat bafflingly, is a genre largely ignored in gaming, which is a shame. Tense shootouts in the style of High Noon and other great westerns are a vast untapped resource for gaming. Unfortunately the industry instead obsesses over World War II and the like. Ah well. Maybe GUN will turn that around, ushering in an era of a market flooded with westerns rather than war sims. We can only dream.
Ricky Ponting Cricket
Some people hold the belief that nobody really knows the rules of cricket. This could be true. It contains jargon that is incomprehensible, games last for days, and it uses the word "googly", which contrary to modern belief, is not some ancient Kung Fu involving search engines. Nor is it an a fatal groin injury. While not as stats-obsessed as baseball, cricket is still a game for those who like numbers. It's also not very well served in the videogame arena, which means any new cricket game is a rarity! Brian Lara Cricket was well received in its various iterations, and logic decrees that as this is Codemasters, the game will be regionally released with an appropriate mugshot for the cover, so expect the name to change. However, if you're interested, and on US shores, an import is most likely your only option.