Steve Parsons
Articles by Steve Parsons
More anti-boss rhetoric
It's a neverending spiral of scorn. NetJak's sardonic features got me thinking about irritants in video games, which led to me decrying the use of bosses in videogames. Now NetJak has returned the volley, initially inspired by them, citing said decrying as inspiration. (I think this is where we're all supposed to hold hands and skip giddily into the sunset. Or perhaps not.) This piece, however, doesn't condemn the use of bosses to anywhere near the degree I did. (Which is probably the more rational approach to be quite honest.) However, it does raise more good points about what's bad with boss battles. (Plus they get bonus points for invoking the holy trilogy near the end.) After reading the piece, I now have a huge urge to hunt down and play Earthworm Jim 2.
The Guy Game lives on, barely.
It was rather amusing when the news broke. One of the girls in The Guy Game was underage, and as a consequence, the folks who put out the game got served their own asses on a silver platter. The game is now banned. Hurrah! This is not a victory for decency or family values. It IS, however, a victory for those who like quality games. A crap game is now banned. Let's celebrate! Though fear not, my hormonally challenged friends. If gratuitous spring break nudity is what you crave, you can still get your fix. More importantly, you won't need a gamepad, so you'll now have both hands free. The makers have pulled together some unused footage, and slapped it all together on a DVD to try and part you from your money. As the article states, as interactive as it gets now is hitting the Play button on your remote. Good riddance, Guy Game.
Politician blows hot air over San Andreas
In the space of 24 hours, parties unknown have blown up the capital city of the country I grew up in, then to end the day, someone was murdered outside my apartment building. So perhaps I'm more than a little off kilter today. This may go some way to explaining why, when some politician, growing fat on taxpayers money, starts harping on about the evil that is GTA: San Andreas, in light of recent events, I find it hard to take it seriously. According to this blowhard, Leland Yee, the ESRB "has failed our parents". Well, no, the PARENTS have failed their children, but anyway, he goes on about how the ratings are flawed, and the industry isn't looking out for our childrens best interests. Wow! Guess I must have missed the meeting where the industry agreed to do what some parents can't be bothered to do! Sounds like I missed a big one! There's a big fat M on the San Andreas box which means it's rated "M" for MATURE. Why is there never any politician going on about the movies? Because they know damn well that politicians don't get as much airtime if they're blathering about the latest Hollywood blockbuster, but games are the evil du jour right now, so any sleazebag politician can hitch his red wagon to the back of the train, and get a few column inches that make Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel go "He really cares for us. He's trying to protect us from those evil video games. I'll put my X in his box." Chaos has run amok. Evil goes on every day. But at least I can sleep, safe in the knowledge that idiots like Leland Yee are doing their best to protect our children from little shiny disks.
Columbine attendee speaks on game violence
We can all spew hyperbole until our faces turn blue and we collapse to the floor, gasping and flailing like freshly caught trout. Regardless of your position, the fact remains that there are no easy answers to the question of violence in video games. What makes this blog entry on the subject so fascinating is the fact that the writer attended Columbine High School. Knew the killers. Knew the killed. A person that, if you believe such things, has been touched by the effects of video game violence. (Doom was supposedly a big inspiration for Klebold and Harris.) Considering the circumstances, you may think that this would place him firmly on the anti-gaming side of the fence. In that case, you would be wrong.
We Love Katamari is here!
Rejoice my friends, rejoice! All your ball rolling fantasies can come true. Again! Admittedly you'll have to be in Japan to fulfill them right now, but hey, just how badly do you want to roll your balls? 1UP has the goods on the sequel to the most original game of the last few years. Of course, by having a sequel, the game is no longer original, but oh well. The piece is pretty deep, and gives us a lot of details to keep us chomping at the bit until that pesky US release.
Pre-order Madden, get stuff
Are you a Madden fan? Like fantasy football? Pre-order Madden 2006 and get a free subscription to the *deep breath* EA Sports Fantasy Football Commissioner Service. If fantasy football is your thing, and you routinely buy Madden, this could be sweeter than a very sweet thing. Unless you're getting the GBA or DS version. Apparently folks pre-ordering that aren't worthy enough of free stuff.
China opens game addiction clinic
Ever the forward thinkers (except when people desire democracy anyway), China has opened a gaming addiction centre. Think your significant other has spent just a little too long playing Everquest? Send them here, where they will subsist upon a diet of medication, counselling, and electric shock therapy to cure them of their addiction. No, we're not kidding. I think we'll stick to being addicted to games, thanks. Less painful. Usually.
You will not be taken out to the Xbox game
We reported this a week or so ago, about the Northern League baseball game where the first two innings were going to be played on the Xbox, and then the real teams would pick up the rest of the game, with the score and everything intact from the Xbox innings. Well isn't there always someone to spoil the fun. The league commissioner has said that he can't allow a regular season game to be played in such a fashion, and it challenges the integrity of the league. (To hear this at a time when all of baseball is under a cloud of steroid abuse amuses me greatly.) Now the game will still take place, but the Xbox part of the proceedings will have no effect on the final score.
Destroy All Humans reviewed
After saving the Earth so many times, it's nice to finally get to destroy it. Pro-G gives Destroy All Humans the evil eye, giving it a score of 6. Not great. The review is pretty much spot on, however, from what I've played. The game is okay. It does have some fairly large flaws though. The missions are very tedious at times, especially when you fail the last part and have to redo everything. Irritating, and, as the review states, an obvious design decision to artificially increase game length. Checkpoints would have made it so much more enjoyable. It's frustrating to see a game with such huge potential screw the pooch so badly and deliberately. I will say this, though. Psychokinesis never gets old. Picking up random hicks and hurling them into lakes is hilarious. Using the hypnotize ability to make chickens dance is funny as hell, too. Rent it. Don't buy it.
Tested on humans for irritancy
In a case of interesting timing, just a short while after a heated discussion about bosses, the always entertaining Netjak picks up the sword and thrusts it deeply into the belly of gaming irritants. The words "Escort Mission" should be enough to strike fear into the heart of many gamers. These are missions where you're charged with escorting an AI character who is slow, defenseless, and dumber than a box of hair. Their demise, however satisfying, will sadly mean you have to start the mission again. It's a grand piece, pretty much nailing every gaming irritant out there. It even mentions poor endings. That's one area where todays games HAVE improved slightly. Some titles on the 8-bit machines, when you got to the end, simply looped. Ah, those were the days… Of broken joysticks and massively dented keyboards.
NBA Live Xbox 360 previewed
Just like they did with Madden during the NFL Draft, EA Sports have busted out a hoops promo during the NBA Draft. Now before those with hoop dreams get excited, the Madden commercial turned out to be an artists conception, not actual gameplay. The same is presumed with this NBA preview. For those who didn't see it, there is a long textual description on the page telling you what you missed. Of course, reading about the visual medium is like watching a book, but if you're a big enough fan, you'll probably enjoy it.
Bizarre answer their critics
Bizarre Creations, the company behind Project Gotham Racing 3, have come out and said that this picture is definitely from the Xbox 360 title. Seems that some folk, becoming ever more dubious about pre-release screenshots, decided the shot was fake. Understandably so, it has to be said. It looks so real. Bizarre took this a little personally. They've put up another shot, plus they've put up wireframe models of the buildings in response to people not believing it's real. They claim they're not messing with us. That Xbox 360 will look this good! Jury, it's over to you.
Check your balls. Go on. We'll wait.
It's not every day a game developer gives you permission to fondle yourself. (Yeah, like you really needed permission, right?) It's ironic. An industry that seems to aim a lot of their titles at sex starved young men, asking you to feel yourself up. In all seriousness, Ubisoft are trying to promote awareness of testicular cancer. Cases of the disease have almost doubled in 20 years, but if caught early enough, it's curable in 99% of cases. If you do not happen to be the owner of a pair of testicles, but know someone who is, get them to grope themselves. Or make their day and do it for them. It could save their life.
Sony have been naughty
It seems Sony could use a new Iron Chef, because the one they had cooking the books failed. Sony have been found guilty of knowingly hiding millions of dollars in revenue over a five year period. They've been fined 4.5 billion yen. (Which may or may not be $40 million, depending on the currency conversion you use). They also have to pay back-taxes. Put this with the news that Sony will lose about $95 per PS3, and Sony may have to tighten their belts just a little. Maybe only buy four Learjets instead of five.
New Starcraft patch released
No, you didn't just slip through a wormhole back into the 90's. Blizzard really HAVE released a new patch for their classic RTS title. Needless to say, at this stage of the game, there is very little changed. There's some exploits fixed etc… Check the link for the details. So, Starcraft was released in 1998. Still being patched seven years later. Now while Myth 2 is a similar age and still being patched, it's being patched by a third party, not the original developer. Kudos to Blizzard for still throwing themselves behind their older products, rather than disowning them like so many other developers do. Longest supported game ever?
King of Fighters for Xbox previewed
I wonder if you counted across all platforms, including arcade, just how many King of Fighters titles there have been? Has to be over twenty. Possibly even thirty. Xbox owners will be getting a taste of the KOF franchise shortly with Maximum Impact - Maniax! Now before you start getting excited, what you're getting is a remix version of the first ever 3D KOF title on the PS2. A game which wasn't exactly received with glowing praise. The developers decided to pitch a game against the Tekkens and Soul Caliburs of the world, and got their asses largely handed to them. Still, it's not all doom and gloom. Why is that? Xbox Live. This game will be wired, making a potentially average fighter a much more attractive proposition. Now you won't have to have friends to play it! Always useful. The game was allegedly released yesterday.
New Evil Dead Regeneration screenshots
Sam Raimi… I don't know, he makes a couple of good superhero movies, then goes nutso! Remaking Evil Dead? Dude, DON'T DO IT! The original is a classic in every way, leave it be. Put down the camera and back away. It's New Coke. Someone grab his arms. HE'S REACHING FOR A PEN! As if the cup of relative misery of this particular Evil Dead fan wasn't already filled to overflowing, here we have some more screenshots of the Evil Dead Regeneration. Now while it's unfair to condemn the game without having played, I will say this. The first Evil Dead game on the PS1 was one of the most attrocious games I've ever played. Perhaps I didn't give it long enough, it was a rental after all, but it's was horrible. However, maybe I just love the movies too much. Hell, maybe I'm completely wrong and the prior game was a classic. Don't mind me. I'll just be in the corner, quietly grumbling into my beer about how Raimi has "sold out", and how old school I am compared to everyone else, then quietly weeping when nobody will talk to me. Happy days. (You wait. They'll make a game of that at some point.)
MMOG's: Only for the hardcore?
I don't even like playing with people for free most of the time. The chances of me ever paying for it are slim, unless something truly groundbreaking appears. Game Pro pimp the virtues of World of Warcraft early in this piece, but then point out that it becomes an endless trip in that most dreaded of vessels, "The Hamster Wheel of Eternal Levelling". WoW is praised for it's approach to casual gamers, but points out that come level 60, it's seemingly hardcore all the way. Having never MMOG'ed myself, would those who have played say that WoW is where it's at right now? Or is Guild Wars really the star of the hour? And where does Galaxies fit into all this? (Galaxies being the only MMOG I've been remotely interested in.) "Why no Everquest?" I hear you cry. Too obvious. There will ALWAYS be an Everquest.
Old games more fun?
The bastion of quality journalism that is Slashdot rarely has a thought provoking story on gaming these days. Today is one of those rare days where Slashdot make you think. Perhaps you need to be a certain age. Perhaps not. Whatever the case, it raises an interesting point. On the PC, I very rarely play games from this century. In fact there are only four games from this century installed right now. Flightsim 2K2. Warcraft 3. Championship Manager 01/02, and Unreal Tournament 2004. The irony is I've not played any of those four in ages. In fact in two cases (I leave it to you to guess), I've not played them since I reinstalled them. While not as hardcore as the writer, who has headed back into MUD land, the fact is, it's older titles I continuously come back to. Is there truly nothing new under the sun?
Alleged Devil May Cry 4 screens
Devil May Cry 3 is a stupidly hard game. The story goes that what we get to call normal mode is actually the hard mode of the Japanese version. Not sure if that's true, but I can certainly believe it. The game is crazy. Still fun, though, in small doses. Here's some Dante action, allegedly from the PS3, of Devil May Cry 4. Three screenshots. Now we all know the drill, be sceptical etc… However I'm a sucker for snow in video games. Don't ask me why. Perhaps it's the poor sheltered life I spent growing up somewhere that never got any. Regardless, snow does it for me in video games, and here you get to see Dante in all his snowbound glory.