Switched On: Don't Buy This Stuff
Every Wednesday Ross Rubin contributes Switched On, a weekly column about the future of technology, multimedia, and digital entertainment:
(Sung [roughly] to the tune of "Can't Buy Me Love")
Don't buy this stuff, no
Don't buy this stuff, no.
Don't buy this stuff.
The catalogs say Father's Day is a time for wacky gear.
But they've thrown quite a few our way of which I hope you'll steer clear.
Please don't go and waste your money. Sonny, don't buy this stuff.
Now fifteen small at Brookstone buys a big black massaging chair.
But this goes for a tenth of that 'cause you blow it up with air.
In a dorm this might be funny. Sonny, don't buy this stuff.
Don't buy this stuff, no. No massage chairs you can stow.
Don't buy this stuff, no. No no no no.
The hassle of inflation and cheesy looks that would appall '
No wonder the dude sitting there's a lobotomized Ken doll.
A lost frontal lobe would stun me. Sonny, don't buy this stuff.
If PETA found this singing head, they might think that they're in luck.
But do not scrimp on Father's Day with attempts to save a buck.
No singing bass, trout or tunny. Sonny, don't buy this stuff.
Don't buy this stuff, no. Karaoke deer must go.
Don't buy this stuff, no. No no no no.
Now if I had a trophy room and I dared to mount this thing.
The hunted's ghosts would haunt me like in some book by Stephen King,
I don't want to fear a bunny. Sonny, don't buy this stuff.
Inflatable cabanas are just an eyesore in my view.
The model's not included. (I wonder if she inflates, too.)
With two-piece or sack of gunny, sonny, don't buy this stuff.
Don't buy this stuff, no. Things that blow up tend to blow.
Don't buy this stuff, no. No no no no.
This won't make women show up next to the pools at posh estates.
See, I don't go to Ridgemont High and that sure ain't Phoebe Cates.
Don't fall for this brunette honey. Sonny, don't buy this stuff.
Ross Rubin is director of industry analysis at NPD Techworld, a division of market research and analysis provider The NPD Group. Views expressed in Switched On, however, are his own. Feedback is welcome at fliptheswitch@gmail.com.
