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The Onion: Man needs two trips to complete GoW

We just received some breaking news from The Onion. They are reporting that Pennsylvania resident Ronald Franks only needs two more trips to Best Buy to complete the Gears of War campaign. Ronald has been bringing his memory card to the retailer for the past three weeks and feels that he can beat the game in a few more trips. Though, he says that when he gets to the final boss he'll "probably take a personal day to defeat RAAM". We wish Mr. Franks the best of luck in his quest to complete Gears and hope his Barnes & Noble copying trips are just as successful. Where would we be without hard hitting news like this?