Okay, we've figured it out! The tenuous link between today's Virtual Console releases is none other than the ability to travel through exotic locales at high speed, be it on a skateboard rolling through lush jungles or an offensively colored car hurtling through, er, Iowa.
Cruis'n USA (Nintendo 64, 1-2 players, 1000 Wii Points): Hop into your virtually indestructible vehicle and commence your cruise through the N64's best approximation of the USA. We're not sure how you manage to survive the nightmarish elevator music nor the sudden, neck-snapping stop at the finish line, but at least you can look forward to a digitized woman waggling a trophy in your face.
Wonder Boy (Master System, 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): You, Tom-Tom. Girlfriend, Tanya. Must save Tanya. Fling hammers. Murder snails. Ride skateboard. Wonder why girlfriend has such modern name.