One million signatures to end Uwe Boll's directing career

You'll never be able to get back those eight-and-a-half bucks you blew on your ticket for Uwe Boll's "Alone In The Dark", but those seeking revenge against the infamous German filmmaker will be pleased to know that a recent interview with FEARnet revealed a giant glowing weak point in his floundering directorial career -- amidst Nazi humor and PETA endorsements, Boll commented on a petition, currently at around 18,000 signatures, for him to forever put an end to his game franchise-defiling ways. It'll take more than that to derail his train of box office catastrophes, he claimed -- though one million signatures should do the trick.

We doubt one million people have even been exposed to Boll's unique brand of sensory torment -- but still, this remains your best chance to fulfill any vendettas you may hold against the pugnacious producer. With enough door-to-door campaigning and MySpace chain letters, this lofty goal may be attainable. If not, we can always hold out hope for the merciful release of bankruptcy.