Just when you think you've got Nintendo all figured out, along comes a morning like today. We receive our Wii-kly Update (their name, not ours) and we quickly skip to the new Virtual Console offerings:
  • Dig Dug (NES, 1 player, 600 Wii Points): Become Dig Dug, the champion of love and justice, as you drill up, down, left and right, defeating any enemies in your path. Avoid the persistent Pooka and the deep-dwelling but whimsical Fygar as you defeat all the enemies in order to clear each stage. Defeat enemies by hitting them with the harpoon and pumping air into them, or by dropping rocks on them from above.
"Oh," we think, "how nice. Dig Dug. Nothing revolutionary, but it's good to see it." Then, our eyes scan further and we land on this:
  • Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa (NES, 1 player, 600 Wii Points): Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa is an action game released in 1988, but it was never available outside of Japan. Players take on the role of baby Upa, a prince of the Akuyo kingdom. Upa must defeat the enemies he meets along the way by inflating them. Upa can then use these floating enemies to his advantage by bouncing off of or riding on top of them. The prince must also avoid deadly thorns and pits while keeping an eye out for helpful items such as milk (to restore health) and bells (for temporary invincibility) if he hopes to succeed.
...What? A royal, demon-inflating baby? How is that even a paragraph? (Oh, and P.S., he inflates enemies by hitting them with a rattle.) It's like someone put the most insane words they could think of in a refrigerator and set a nuclear bomb off next to it. We love you, Nintendo, but, in the parlance of our times, you so crazy.

This article was originally published on Joystiq.