Let me begin by apologizing for the hasty nature of the announcement of my being chosen as the running mate for the honorable Weekly Webcomic Wrapup. What my fine, fellow feature lacks in clarity and eloquence, he more than makes up for with sheer enthusiasm. Perhaps this is why he, with wisdom acquired during his three years of publication, chose me as his running mate -- to balance his passion with my own levelheadedness. In that respect, I am more than glad to play the Abbot to his Costello, the Brain to his Pinky, and the Linnell to his Flansburgh.
With that bit of business out of the way, I'd like to talk to you about why you should support a WWW/JHS ticket for the office of King and Queen Vice-King of the Internets. As you know, the Internets is a big place that requires a great deal of regulation from its executive officers. While the current administration has adopted a laissez-faire approach to their prestigious post, our leadership would provide a much needed repaving of the information superhighway -- for starters, all domain names will be required to end with ".fun". Not only will it simplify the Internets navigation process, but it may just bring a smile to the face of the typical, hard-hearted Internets user.
Our other major platforms include:
Stronger punitive measures against the proliferation of Rick Astley songs
Energy conservation through the deactivation of the Internets at 11 p.m. every night
Free candy for supporters
So, when Election Day rolls around, won't you consider the benefits of a Weekly Webcomic Wrapup/Japanese Hardware Sales administration? Our change will be swift, our policies fair, and our candy delicious.