They found him! The Large Hadron Collider is now under the vigilant protection of the world's least communicative hero, Gordon Freeman. You have the folks at Reddit to thank for equipping him with an iconic weapon, originally intended as an ominous gift before the potentially apocalyptic Collider was fired up for the first time. We wish Gordon the best of luck as he trains in the fine art of bludgeoning parasitic creatures to a pulp.
He has until Spring 2009 (view his progress in this photo gallery) -- that's when the Collider is expected to stop being broken.