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Future US president calls it quits


Yes, 12-year-old Billy Caruthers, projected winner of the 2036 presidential election has decided to resign from his pending office in order to dodge controversy surrounding his pending extramarital affair. He -- oh, wait. We totally misread that headline. The president of magazine publisher Future US, Jonathan Simpson-Bint, is stepping down August 31 in order to start up his own business. Simpson-Bint has been working with the company for 18 years, and oversaw the launch of PSM, IGN.com and DailyRadar.com.

Future is currently looking for Simpson-Bint's replacement -- if you've got experience managing humongous publishing companies, yet find yourself working as a lowly fry cook at your local Carl's Jr., perhaps its time you gained some upward mobility.