Hey, real quick -- are you a registered member of the Sierra Club? What about PETA? If you answered yes to either, we're going to kindly ask that you continue scrolling down the page while whistling heartily and "looking the other way." This week's roundup of
horribly crappy gadgets involves far too many innocent animals, from a USB-infused tortoise that doubles as an ashtray to a tank of jellyfish that only receive their nutrients when the USB cable is connected. And then there's the Elmo that's forced to do sit-ups while your data transfers onto his feeble brain. It's sick, really. Once you're over the shock and horror, feel free to cast your vote below for the lamest of the lame -- and feel free to consult and / or hold a friend if necessary.
Read - USB tortoise hub / ashtray
Read - USB jellyfish tank
Read - Panda USB hub
Read - USB Crunching Elmo
Read - USB Chocolate Popsicle drive
posted Jul 19th 2009 at 10:42PM
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Gravy @ Jul 19th 2009 10:48PM
The suggestive motions that elmo could be making will win him this poll
Mike C @ Jul 19th 2009 10:51PM
agreed. the first thought in my head when I looked at that was:Wow...... Really? Did no one think about what this could look like?
Aguiluz @ Jul 20th 2009 12:43AM
I laughed at Elmo when I saw him showing his gigantic usb p--
W-What are you looking at?
Pedroion @ Jul 20th 2009 9:45AM
God. Elmo's shirt saying 'Non-Stop!'?
What has been seen...
AndrewNoNumbers @ Jul 19th 2009 10:50PM
I
10minutehobo @ Jul 20th 2009 6:25AM
You love what?
JohhnyBoy @ Jul 19th 2009 11:17PM
An ashtray? AWESOME! Now a device to push my beloved porn to a thumb drive for covert viewing at work AND a place to park my doob while doing it!
In the infamous words of the king of doobage...
"The dude abides..."
darkmax @ Jul 19th 2009 11:39PM
the gadget is simply not environmentally friendly enough.... they should retrieve excess heat from the ciggies to power something else.
JohnnyAce @ Jul 19th 2009 11:46PM
Like an electric ciggie lighter or an automatic fattie roller...
Smart People Play Tuba @ Jul 20th 2009 8:59AM
But it's got a stapler!
Greg N. @ Jul 19th 2009 11:16PM
Elmo- not even a discussion.
agentstarke @ Jul 19th 2009 11:38PM
I thought the jellyfish tank was kind of cool...
Alex @ Jul 20th 2009 4:12AM
If it had a few ports on the front instead of just taking up one I'd consider actually buying one...
darkmax @ Jul 19th 2009 11:38PM
I thought this supposed to be king of the LAME, not the best out of the lot.....
eddie @ Jul 19th 2009 11:47PM
What the heck is a "stapless stapler"? I mean, wouldn't it be "stapleless" which isn't a real word either, but at least office supply stores think it is. Plus the whole ashtray thing, which, you know... if you COULD smoke in an office any more, and you were going to smoke at your desk, would you really want to be tipping your ashes into an electronic device? Add in the whole ugly-looking aspect, and for my part, the turtle is a big winner for the Lame crown.
aj121489 @ Jul 20th 2009 12:13AM
I was wondering the same thing! What the hell is a stapless stapler?! I've never heard of that before. Stapless or stapleless, however you wanna spell it. And while I know there are still many people that smoke, the ashtray/USB hub combo just doesn't seem to fit together
m @ Jul 20th 2009 12:30AM
it's a common gadget. it perforates the papers and kind of folds the perforations onto themselves, so the pages stick together. it sort of works, but the devices always break quickly.
Valicore @ Jul 19th 2009 11:47PM
Damn, I'd feel guilty sticking anything into that poor panda... taking stuff out would make me fel like I was ripping its legs off!
DanielT @ Jul 19th 2009 11:48PM
I think they're all super cute, but I guess the popsicle is the least cute.
But I'm not going to vote in your poll since none of them are crap.
The King of Cute is the turtle.
AltairAntares @ Jul 20th 2009 12:04AM
The person who made the elmo one should be tried for crimes against humanity. It's that simple.
JohnnyAce @ Jul 20th 2009 12:12AM
No! It's based on the "Tickle me... there!" Elmo.
Colin @ Jul 20th 2009 1:00AM
The turtle USB hub/ash tray has a stapler mouth! That's not "crap", that's awesome!
Martin Greenberg @ Jul 20th 2009 1:27AM
About the jellyfish: water plus computers is not a good combination.
About the panda: They didn't even bother to give him legs. And the eyes are horrifying. So, a paraplegic robot. Nice.
thebomberman @ Jul 20th 2009 5:44AM
Watercooling?
Anticrawl @ Jul 20th 2009 2:36AM
I for one welcome our cybernetic turtle overlords.
HelloNNNewman @ Jul 20th 2009 3:05AM
Would never have guessed that Elmo had a square schlong.
HelloNNNewman @ Jul 20th 2009 3:06AM
Actually... would be kinda funny to see Elmo plugged into the Panda or Tortise! He'll hump anything!
eddie @ Jul 20th 2009 3:54AM
People, you're missing the point! How can you be voting for Humptastic Elmo as "lamest of the lame"? There's some serious fun factor involved in that device.
Oh, and I think the point of the panda is for USB devices to be its bionic legs. In my opinion, this makes it too creepy to be "lame".
I'm still rooting for the faux-stapler headed, ashtray turtle with USB legs.
Si @ Jul 20th 2009 5:26AM
I have the jellyfish one, as my GF thought it would make a cute Christmas present.
I'm open to offers..
Rincewind @ Jul 20th 2009 7:06AM
I think the panda is the crappiest, because it's just USB 1.1. Although a panda with no legs would be kinda slow...
G @ Jul 20th 2009 7:36AM
i voted for the panda because it has USB drives for legs and that freaks me out!
YoYoYo @ Jul 20th 2009 7:52AM
Ahem.
I've now got a turtle on the way. More a case of poor advertising than "crapgadget" - Perfectly useful if you repurpose the ashtray as an SD or thumb drive tray. Would be doubly useful if they'd made the mouth something a bit more, well, useful: SDHC reader anyone?
YoYoYo @ Aug 11th 2009 10:26PM
Poor build quality and no packing material at all in the envelope - One of the legs came pre-busted. Yay Crapgadget!?
Mike @ Jul 20th 2009 11:00AM
IMHO, 'lame' would be the one with no practical use. Since all of them are at the minimum useful as either a hub or storage except the jellyfish tank, that is my vote for the lamest.
Wwhat @ Jul 20th 2009 12:46PM
An acceptable breakdown of the situation.
Samurai Jack @ Jul 20th 2009 11:07AM
Hmm... stapler mouth = fangs. USB legs for retractable cables. Ashtray shell = interior flames. That's no turtle, that's Gamera!
OLight @ Jul 20th 2009 11:11AM
So much lameness, and only one vote. Mein herz brennt.
Wwhat @ Jul 20th 2009 12:45PM
Lame has no king, it's a society of equals is what you are saying
OLight @ Jul 20th 2009 3:18PM
You mean, do I think Lame is an anarcho-syndicalist commune? That supreme executive power comes from a mandate of the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony? No, I don't think Lameness can be attributed to moistened bints nor watery tarts.
Patriot @ Jul 20th 2009 11:50AM
The Popsicle scares the poop out of me. Imagine using one of those around a 5 year old. How long before the real thing is shoved into every USB slot in the house?
Wwhat @ Jul 20th 2009 12:44PM
Teaches you to not let little kids near USB ports.
You could also make a toy with USB ports that gives you a jolt when you touch them and give it to the kid, he'll soon learn I imagine >:)
*Just some girl @ Jul 20th 2009 11:51AM
The turtle and the panda are kind of cute :)