In another cheeky press release, Valve has announced that Portal 2 has been delayed until 2011. The sequel to 2007's innovative (and tardy) first-person disorientation dissertation was originally scheduled to arrive on Xbox 360 and PC this holiday -- and we all believed it. Still, there are worse fates to befall the industry, as Aperture Laboratories correctly notes that "all life on earth won't instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time."
We'd offer some helpful advice on getting the game out quicker -- like, have you tried making it a Left 4 Dead game? -- but we're already reeling from three disappointments in a row: The cancellation of the Portal 2 E3 press conference, the continuing mystery of its supplanting "surprise," and the numbing absence of Half-Life 2: Episode Three. This is a tri-HMPH!