Phat Loot Phriday: Gus' First Aid Kit
When we last left our heroes, they were riding frantically toward Gilneas to stymie Abercrombie's nefarious plan ... whatever that might be. They're joined by the druid whose name is not Spot and the mysterious girl called Miranda. Lolegolas hasn't been able to wash his hair for six months, and he's getting crabby.
The four stormed through Dun Morogh with all the speed of a tank blurring through a dungeon. When they finally pulled up to camp in the Wetlands, Throgg jumped from his mount and virtually charged to help Lolegolas down from his own steed.
"You're hurt," the orc said brusquely. "Undead? How long have you been hiding this wound?"
The blood elf grunted as he peeled his shirt sleeve up from his arm. "Caught a fang or something toward the end. I was rushed on account of you going missing. I'm not sure how bad it is."
The druid pulled a fallen log near a barren patch of dirt. "Time for the nurse."
Lolegolas cocked his head to the side. "The nurse?"
Without another word, the Gilnean pulled a small contraption out of his pocket. It looked like a bandage rolled up tightly inside a wire box. "Pssst," the druid whispered at the box. "Time is money, and wounds take time!"
A puff of smoke appeared on the ground. When it cleared away, a goblin dressed in a nurse's uniform stood nonchalantly. "Who?" he said without prompting.
The Gilnean pointed at Lolegolas. The goblin nodded briefly and walked toward the blood elf. With all the bedside manner of an angry Murloc, the nurse yanked the blood elf's arm and started examining it.
"You should consider losing some weight," the goblin nurse commented. Lolegolas's gasp felt big enough to draw the air from the clearing. "Turn your head and cough twice."
"I will not!" the blood elf shrieked. "You vile little ... "
"I asked you to cough nicely," the nurse said. "You really want me to insist? You know how the coughing routine usually goes, right?"
Throgg grunted a subtle warning (which meant it sounded like a bear getting kicked in the delicate equipment). Lolegolas closed his mouth slowly. Then he turned his head and coughed twice in a perfunctory, deliberate fashion.
"Where does it hurt?" the goblin asked.
"Oh, I don't know," Lolegolas responded drily. "Somewhere around the gaping wound."
The goblin murmured noncommittally and then waggled his fingers. The gash quickly stitched itself back together. "I'm done here. I'll put it on your bill," the nurse said to the air. With no additional fanfare, he simply faded out of sight.
"So, you're keeping a goblin in a box," Lolegolas said to the druid. "Doesn't that seem a little wrong to you?"
"At least he's not buried in his pit," the druid responded. "Are you going to come save him? After all, I'm the dog who gets beat."
Throgg blinked. "I don't get it."
"Pop culture references," Miranda interjected. "Ignore them. They think they're being clever. It's even the PG version. So annoying."
Gus' First Aid Kit
Type Trinket
Strength 6
Stamina 6
Item level 46
Use Summons a goblin nurse that will perform a physical (2-minute cooldown)
How to get it Go kill Gargantapid! Feel free to mock the name along the way, but keep that in mind next time you cheer Spider-Man fighting Electro, Mister Negative, or Rhino. And yes, it's Spider-Man with a dash.
How to get rid of it Sell it 95 silver, 80 copper. But really, tuck this away in the bank and keep it for parties. The nurse makes a great conversation piece.
Phat Loot Phriday brings you the scoop on some of the most ... interesting ... loot in the World of Warcraft, often viewed through the eyes of the stalwart Throgg and indelible Lolegolas. Suggest items you think we should feature by emailing mikeg@wowinsider.com.
