Rookie, you don't know how easy you've got it.

These days, it's all polygons and Dolby 13.1 surround explosions, but in my day we had to rely on real police work. We'd comb the streets looking for clues just a few pixels wide and clicking on so many dead ends that the blisters on our index fingers had blisters. We'd question the locals and have to read their answers. That's right, rook: Read. And if we got stuck in a case, there were no GameFAQs to fall back on. Hell, we didn't know what a GameFAQ was -- we called a 900 number. And we were grateful to have it.

You know what? Forget about the Schloienger case. No, you've got some homework tonight. I hear Good Old Games just added Police Quest 1-4 to its service for $10. Go home, play them all, and see if you don't come back tomorrow with just a bit more respect for your elders.

And rook ... when you tell me what you think of them, could you do it in a speech bubble? You know, for old time's sake.

This article was originally published on Joystiq.