Dear Namco Bandai,

Thank you for bringing Astaroth, our series favorite and tournament go-to character, back to the Stage of History in SoulCalibur 5. His glowing, infection-prone chest would have been sorely missed, as would his massive axe and memorable catchphrases like "Stay down!" or "Aruarghg!"

Additionally, having your bevy of psychically astute brain institute graduates reach into the deepest, darkest corners of our subconscious was a brilliant move; Viola is the perfect combination of Freddy Krueger and Athena Asamiya, and is exactly what we've always wanted. Rest assured, our impassioned mailing campaign will now end.

With souls still burning,

The Joystiq Staff

This article was originally published on Joystiq.