Once upon a time,
there was a young boy named Mat.
And today ...
... today was his birthday.
But even though it was his birthday,
the kids at school were mean to Mat.
"We don't like you, Mat!" said the kids.
Mat was sad.
He ran home to cry under his bed.
But on the way home,
a mighty figure appeared behind him!
"AKA MA GOSH, FRIEND!
" said the orc.
"I hear it is your birthday!"
Mat turned around, surprised.
"My name is Garrosh Hellscream
"I can never
forget the insult
to the Horde's honor perpetrated at Theramore!
I can never
forget the atrocities
committed by Krom'gar in the Horde's name!
But most importantly ...
I can never
forget a birthday
Young Mat's eyes lit up with delight.
"On this, the anniversary of your birth,
the mighty Horde shall honor you with one birthday wish!"
"Gosh," said Mat. "A birthday wish!"
"But ... I don't know what to wish for!"
"I do," said Garrosh.
"You should wish to rule them all, atop a throne of skulls!"
"No," said Mat. "That's a terrible
"Aha," said Garrosh.
"Then you wish to plunder your enemies' lumber and see their cities awash in flame?!"
"No," said Mat. "That's not my birthday wish, either!"
"So then, young warrior ...
What is your one birthday wish?"
"I know," said Mat ...
"A true warchief partners with pizza!
"Blood and thunder!" said Garrosh.
"That is the finest birthday wish I have ever heard!"
And so Garrosh took Mat to Pippitone's Pizza,
ordering him the finest plain cheese pizza in all the land.
And also all the people who were mean to Mat died. The end.
So there you have it. I'll be around in New York City this weekend to do a book signing, and ... oh, wait. This was supposed to be a WRUP, wasn't it? OK, uh ... so yeah, this week's bonus question is this: "What are you getting Mat for his birthday?"
Adam Holisky (@adamholisky) Skyrim
. I'm getting Mat a video podcast.
Alex Ziebart (@alexziebart) Skyrim
. Send help. Bonus Answer: For McCurley's birthday, I will not
terminate his employment. Happy Birthday, Mat.
Anne Stickney (@Shadesogrey)
I'm going to be building ALL THE THINGS. And I'm guesting on the Holy Shatt podcast on Friday. And other than that, I don't know exactly! I will find Mat a Squashed Rabbit Carcass
for his birthday. Shh, don't tell him!
Also: I totally harnessed the psychic powers of my Twitter followers and made his shoulders drop from Staghelm. :D :D :D
Chase Hasbrouck (@alarondruid)
I've been fooling myself into thinking I have good internet again by playing Onlink, a fan update for Uplink.
Bonus: Real Kuwaiti sand.
Daniel Whitcomb (@DanielWhitcomb)
I'm probably going to be running some PTR stuff to prepare for future Lichborne columns, mostly, though I also have plans to make some headway on Torchlight
. I haven't defeated it yet, so I figure I better get on that before Diablo 3
claims my soul in that particular genre of gaming.
I gave Mat a silly in-joke in last week's Tuesday Morning Post headline.
Dawn Moore (@dawnwow)
My bro is getting married (11/11/11 at 11:00 a.m., such a nerd) so I'll probably be relaxing the rest of the weekend. Fortunately, relaxing means playing Ocarina of Time
on my Nintendo 3DS. I'm in the Forest Temple right now.
Elizabeth Wachowski (@leeatwaterlives)
I would say Skyrim
, but I'm working all weekend at the only EMS station without an HDTV. So ... Final Fantasy 4
and Chrono Trigger
on the DS at night, and then Skyrim
and sleep during the day.
For his birthday I give Mat this heart, which I looted from a kobold.
Fox Van Allen (@foxvanallen) (gplus.to/foxvanallen)
On Saturday, I'll be driving down to New York City to hang out with my good friends Mat McCurley and help him celebrate his birthday. And yes, I will be handing him the physical copy of this children's book I wrote for him. Happy birthday, Mat-hew.
Joe Perez (@lodurzj) SW:TOR
beta, my account for steam seems to be pretty jacked up and hoping to recover it in time to actually be able to log in and play some Skyrim
. As far as what I got Mat for his day of birf, well I got him a vacation package where he will be taken care of by the nation's top men ... Top.... men.... (sorry, watching a lot of indie right now).
Kelly Aarons (@Cadistra)
As the only person on earth who's not playing Skyrim
, I'm going to be catching up on art because ... I START MY NEW JOB ON MONDAY YAAAAAY! /kermit flail
Mat McCurley (@gomatgo) (gplus.to/gomatgo)
This weekend, I'm playing the Where is Fox Van Allen sleeping in my house?
game, coupled with League of Legends
and Eat all of the leftover food from the party
. For some reason I've been addicted to archaeology in WoW
lately, and I can't stop. I think I hate myself. Anyway, fun times. I will be getting myself Cuban food for my birthday.
Matt Low (@matticus)
Got a Star Wars: The Old Republic
beta invite for the weekend. This is the same weekend Skyrim
comes out. I also have Battlefield 3
and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
. Heroes of Might
and Magic 6
is still on my games to beat. Too many games to play!
Matthew Rossi (@matthewrossi)
What I'm playing is also my birthday present: I'm kidnapping McCurley and stitching him and me into a two-headed ogre.
Matt Walsh (@Rhidach)
I DON'T KNOW. I preordered Skyrim, I was invited to the SW:TOR
testing period this weekend, and I'm getting a puppy on Sunday. First world problem if there ever was one! I guess I'm just going to run from room to room, giving exactly 33% of my time to each of the three. It seems only fair.
Mike Sacco (@mikesacco)
Robin Torres (@cosmiclaurel) Tiny Tower
, Sims Social
, my blood elf mage and SW:TOR
beta. For Mat, I am gifting him this video
. Actually, it's a regift, but don't tell him.
Tyler Caraway (@murmursofadruid)
I'll be finishing up some Heroes of Might
and Magic 6
, I've got some SW:TOR Beta
to get into, I also need to finish up a massive write-up that I've been working on as a deep numbers pass for the Diablo 3
beta. Fun times to be had all around, to be sure. I've got Skyrim
coming in, but I think I'll have to put off actually getting into it for a while with everything else that I've got going on. Curse gaming companies for releasing everything at once! Oh ... ummm ... I got Mat this sweet ... ummm ... Battle.net authenticator.