Phat Loot Phriday: Experimental Specimen Slicer

When we last left our heroes, they had decided on a method to track the vile Abercrombie. This week, we're looking at a piece of endgame gear as an attempt to stay relevant as a loot column. We'll likely fail, but Lolegolas will look great while doing it. That's what blood elves do!

The journey toward Tirisfal was lonely. Either Miranda or the Gilnean would periodically demand the foursome stop to look around. Despite clever eyes and earnest hopes, nary another soul could be found on the road.

"Don't get it," Throgg grunted. "Shoulda been attacked dozen times by now."

"Out with it," Lolegolas said when he noticed Miranda toeing the ground uncomfortably. "What do you know, woman?"

Miranda rolled her eyes as she remounted her horse. "Folks are just otherwise occupied right now, I guess you could say. Things will be fine."

"Really?" Lolegolas asked. "How does an entire continent of people just disappear?"

Miranda waved a hand dismissively and pointed to the distance. "We're nearly to Tirisfal. I've gotten word that Abercrombie is definitely there."

"You've received word?" Lolegolas asked. "How? We've been together this entire trip, and I've not seen any sparrows or postmen drop by. What, did you get special psychic word or something?"

"Why are you guys so full of questions all at once?" Miranda said with a huff. "You'll go kill 20 tuskboar or hellcats or whatever for a few silver. Me, I give you the opportunity to stop the very fabric of reality from unraveling, and you want to argue about everything."

"Just want to know," Throgg said slowly, in a peace-making tone, "how you know all these things." He did a good job of keeping his words and speech neutral. Fearful husbands across the world know exactly that tone.

Miranda ran a hand through her hair before answering. "I have insight. That's all. I understand the system the Titans used to build things, the pattern between events, the patterns that just keep happening. It's nothing logical, it's just ... instinct. That's the best explanation I have."

"Like how elf knows what clothes look good together," Throgg said.

"Hey!" Lolegolas barked. "Isn't it pick-on-the-orc time about now?"

"Speaking of that," Miranda said slowly. "Is that a new weapon?"

Throgg hefted the huge shaft above his head. "Experimental Specimen Slicer."

"What made you decide to use that for this trip?" Miranda asked. Lolegolas groaned weakly at the question.

"We don't know why Abercrombie go here," Throgg answered. "I figured we'd axe him about it."

Experimental Specimen Slicer

• Type Two-handed axe

• Damage A lot (2,557-3,837 damage, speed 3.60: 888.2 DPS)

• Strength 466

• Stamina 730

• Socket 1 red

• Socket bonus 10 strength

• Equip Increases your critical strike rating by 319

• Equip Increases your mastery rating by 306

How to get it Kill Yor'sahj the Unsleeping. Your skill at doing so will rely mostly on your ability to discern colors in a dark room, your love of Skittles candies, and your ability to spam AoE abilities quickly.
How to get rid of it Become a panda. Seriously, if you're an axe-man or axe-woman, you'll be rocking this puppy until Mists of Pandaria. (The heroic version is better, of course.) At that point, you can vendor it for 47 gold, 40 silver, and 65 copper.

Phat Loot Phriday brings you the scoop on some of the most ... interesting ... loot in the World of Warcraft, often viewed through the eyes of the stalwart Throgg and indelible Lolegolas. Suggest items you think we should feature by emailing mikeg@wowinsider.com.