Drama Mamas: 40 things you should never say in game
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm.
When Lisa and I started to tackle this list, we thought we'd come up with 5 or 10. But after looking back over the advice we've given since we started this column, we discovered that there are many more un-smart things to say that are almost guaranteed to cause drama. Captain Obvious helped with many of them as usual, but some of these no-nos are not so apparent.
"Yeah, I know the requirement is 18 years and up -- but everyone says I act mature for my age." If you have to excuse your age, you won't fit in. Find a guild or group that won't be making exceptions even to simply include you.
"But Mooom, you SAID I could play an HOUR!" Don't whine for more. Tell Mom how much time you need and why: "I can zip through all my dailies and banking – those are the chores my character uses to make money and maintain her stuff -- in about an hour and 20 minutes."
"Yeah, baby, I love you too – oh crap, sorry guys, I'm on the phone here and I didn't see that one from the side coming towar – yeah, baby, I heard you! Sure! We'll leave in 20 minutes!" If you're going to play with the group, turn off other distractions. If your girlfriend won't leave a phone message, perhaps you should be spending that time with her instead!
"No, really, guys – it's my MOM calling." Same story. If you really can't miss your call from Mom, you really shouldn't be logged in to a group activity.
"Sorry, guys – it was the pizza guy." Tell me again why we have to die so you can answer the doorbell? Eat before you log in.
"Pulling. GTG in 20 minutes." Then why did you queue up for an instance that probably takes 30? Don't be a cad.
"Baby woke up, AFK BRB!" I know. We wish you had more time to play, too. Still, don't group unless you have someone else around to take point duty with the kids.
"[Dialog box: Hydan invites you to a group.]" Unless someone runs up while you're killing a quest mob they obviously also need, ask before you invite. Same goes for guild invitations!
"You lied to me about wanting to raid, your members suck Cracked Eggs and I can't wait to be outta here." No reason to burn bridges. Try "I have such limited time to play that I think I'd be a better fit with a guild on a more active raiding schedule."
"[The sound of crickets after a wipe you caused or largely contributed to.]" 'Fessing up can actually inspire MORE confidence: "Hey guys, I totally brain-farted that one. Sorry. I'll pick up the adds next time around."
"Lioness and I will just be line-of-sighting over here behind this pillar, heheheheh..." Get a room -- and learn how to use /whisper if you just can't wait.
"Dude, I'm busy. You have to stop whispering me now." OK, you might actually end up needing this line for a particularly persistent pest. But try this first: "The stuff I run with this character now makes it really hard to chat when I'm playing. Sorry, gotta run ..."
"Sure, I'll meet you there." + /w Nooooooo, I HATE dragging him through these instances! You're not obligated to be someone's charity tank. Try: "I'm really not up for that instance again tonight, thanks."
"LOL Is this your first time or something? LOL Everyone knows this. LOL" Considering the millions and millions of players who play WoW, you make yourself look pretty dumb by assuming everyone plays at the same rate and way that you do. Share your experience with tips, not mockery.
"Dude, you suck – you're only doing [DPS appropriate for non-twinked gearing, experience and level]." If you can't help this group succeed either by helping your weaker member strategize better or by turning up the volume on your own performance to compensate, you're the noob, not him.
"What? Can't hear you! I'm playing! What? The trash?! I can't take out the trash NOW!" If that's Mom you're talking to, you're more likely to survive the encounter by giving a reasonable ETA: "I'm in the middle of an encounter with some other players, but I can take it out in 10 minutes when everything's clear and my group isn't waiting on me. Will that work?"
"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me, maybe..." No playing music into Vent. No maybe about it.
"It's r-o-g-u-e, idiot. 'Rouge' is a cosmetic. Rouges are overpowd..." Aww, come on – don't become part of this tired old thing. (Unless the speaker is a friend. Then give him the 411 in /whisper.)
"I love my girlfriend -- but my guildmate is beautiful, charming, funny, intelligent and never bugs, scolds or annoys me." Right – because you only see her online when you want to spend time with her, away from all your real-world responsibilities. Enjoy the game, but live in the world.
"Dude, suicide? Is he serious?!" He just might be. There ARE things you can do -- better safe than sorry.
"Uh-oh – Courtney just logged in for the raid, and she's brought Knucklehead along again. Get ready to die repeatedly all night long." If Courtney's boyfriend doesn't have the chops to raid with your group, it's up to you to just say no. The social awkwardness is her issue, not yours.
"Yo, Loldeepser just logged in – go ahead and boot the pugger." Unless you told puggers first that you'd remove them if friends or guildmates logged in, that's incredibly tacky. Pickup players are not disposable tools, so don't treat them as such.
"Gogogogogogogo." When you're in Scarlet Monastery, do as the Scarlet Monastery-level players do. Don't be a jerk about spoilers and speed-running.
"In Mists of Pandaria, you find out that the ones behind the whole thing were really..." Stop. No spoilers. Wait until October, when people have had a chance to play it themselves.
As a GM: "I know she broke the rules and she has been a repeat offender. I know that you did the right thing in removing her from the guild and you did it with class. But I re-invited her with more conditions than before." Your officers have your back when you're offline, you need to have theirs too.
"Vent isn't working guys, can't hear a thing, can't you give boss strat in raid chat?" No. Ask for time to fix it or accept being replaced, then troubleshoot your stuff.
"My name is [lie] and I [insert fictitious biography here]." If you're uncomfortable giving personal info, say so. Otherwise you'll be stuck with this lie or risk losing friends because they no longer trust you -- and they shouldn't.
To your main tank who has successfully run you through many end-game raids after finding out he is deaf: "You can't perform at optimum level if you can't hear." and "Don't PUG with him because he's defective." You say those things? You're despicable. /judge
"I've put that offensive guildmate on ignore on his main and alt on all my toons in the guild." If you have to put a guildie on ignore, one of you isn't right for the guild.
"I caught my wife and a guildie sexting, but we're going to stay in the same guild while we work things out." Eject. Eject. EJECT! Leave WoW, get your marriage in order, then come back later ... if at all.
"Our guild leader never responds to anyone's inquiries, procrastinates from addressing any problems that come up, won't make anyone an officer, and many of the regulars have quit. And now he ..." Stop right there. The first three problems you describe should tell you that it's time to join the regulars who quit.
After not setting up loot rules before a raid with guests: "We're giving that piece you don't have yet to the guests because they are paying well. Demanding it makes you greedy and selfish. The money goes to the guild bank, not just you." If you had stated that at the beginning, the disgruntled guildie has no excuse. But you didn't. Default to the normal loot rules, give the guildie the loot, don't be nasty, and state the loot rules clearly next time.
"I took a break, but I'm ready to get back into raiding! I'd like my raid spot back now please! I'm a bit behind though, so my performance will be subpar for a bit." PUG it up to practice or join a guild that is more on your current level.
"We don't have to worry about rules. Drama never happens in our guild." /facepalm Simple rules like "No harrassment" and "Keep it PG-13" will help if drama does happen. Better to be prepared.
"I feel more and more exhausted by the guild and sadly it's also sucking the fun out of my play, but I'll hang around in my old guild and hope the tides turn for the better." Leave now.
"This valuable raider keeps missing raids. I wonder what's up. I guess we'll just keep replacing her." Talk to her. Find out what's up. Find out if and when she'll be reliable again. Replace her permanently if necessary.
"Yeah, I'll remove a bunch of stuff from the guildbank to give to you and your army of alts, buddy ... even though you're not in the guild." Good luck in staying in your guild after that.
"I'm overwhelmed as guild leader. I have so much to do I can't play!" Delegate. Empowering your officers with more responsibility will be better for them and for you.
"I really like this guildie, but she has very clearly stated that she doesn't want a relationship derived from the game. So my friend should stop flirting with her." If she's so clear with you, she'll be just as clear with your friend -- if she wants to be. Stay out of it.
"I have a big problem with someone in guild. I've mostly just sent tells to the GM's wife, who I'm fairly certain talks to her husband ..." No. Talk directly to the GM.
Do you have more to add to this list? Say so in the comments. We have more too, and we'll have them for you next week.
Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at robin@wowinsider.com. Read Robin's section of this post on how to get your letter answered and please remember that we cannot answer privately.
