Happy Presidents' Day, if you are in the United States! Otherwise, happy Monday.
We are getting in letters for an all-new results edition of Drama Mamas, but we could still use some more. If you have written the Drama Mamas and we have answered you in print, please send us an email at email@example.com. We will compile the responses in a future column, once we get enough of them.
What's up Drama Mamas?!
Today I come with a problem of sorts... I'm part of this guild where we were all pretty close and get along great, we have been that way throughout cataclysm and I feel sorta connected to these folks.
Now about a month or so ago a few of our core raid members that were originally on the team I was part of quit the game. That caused a rift in our guild and the leader of our second raid team stepped up to the plate and now leads our core group (as well as the guild but that's a different story). While we were trying to figure out who makes the cut for our first raid group we held try outs of sorts and in the group was myself and the rogue from the second group (we both play rogues so we needed to see who got the spot). Well I was beaten by the rogue of the second group by a slim margin so the leader decided to take him on as a regular.
Ever since then, it seems like the people who were my friends and guild mates started to move ahead and I was left to settle on the back burner. The guild leader suggested I start up a second group since he knew how much I loved to raid with them and since he felt bad that I wasn't part of the action. Sadly, I had to switch to tanking the second group on my paladin because I wasn't performing as well leading while trying to play a dps role (also I had a real life friend who switched to my server with her rogue so it gave me another reason to change roles, we tried two rogues but I just couldn't handle having both of us fighting for the top thanks to my competitive nature). I didn't mind as much but it isn't the same since it was on my rogue. Even though I'm the leader of this second group (made mostly of pugs with the occasional alt) I still feel the urge to play the character that I love and to do what I loved.
I still feel alienated from the few who I was friends with and I miss the old team we had during the start of the expansion, but being the leader of this group, I feel as if I have to stay with them. I'm not sure whether I should stay with this rag tag group or find somewhere where I can start fresh and continue playing what I love. I mentioned to my guild about leaving on only my main but both they and I know my group would suffer. I don't feel much kinship with these new people as much as I did with my old team in fact, one of my old teammates switched over to the alliance because he felt the same way I did (he stopped raiding after our core group fell apart). I'm at a dilemma, leave my guild and start fresh, but lose my chance to lead, or stay and feel like an outsider.
Drama Mama Lisa: Welcome to the sea of nostalgia and regret. If you step over the breakers gently lapping at your feet, you'll soon find yourself precariously balanced on a lone stepping stone, stranded by the impossibly slick moss clinging to every rocky memory poking above the surface. There's no going forward, and there's no going back. It's just you and the occasional gull swooping down to callously peck at your feet -- but the water, oh, the water ... such lovely visions just under the surface, flickering in the sunlight ... You could reach out and touch them if only you weren't for some reason afraid to slide down into the water ...
Wow, that was quite a windup -- but ah, the bittersweet pangs of nostalgia. There's no way back to what you had, Shafted. That beautiful synergy of your original group? It's gone, trickled downstream and lost in the sea of memories. The first raid group has moved on -- and while they like you well enough, they don't have a place for you. In the meantime, you're clinging to the stepping stone just above those waters without regard for the green fields awaiting you back on shore.
Go back to dry land, Shafted. The first ship has sailed, and the second ship deserves a captain whose heart is in the game. Rally your friend and look for a new guild home.
The grass really is greener back on the shore.
Drama Mama Robin: Shafted ... actually, I have a hard time calling you Shafted. How were you shafted? By people leaving because they wanted to? By not making the primary team after what seemed like a fair trial? By your choice to play your tank instead of your rogue? I don't get it. I do get your conundrum, though, and I understand your feelings about it.
I feel awfully sorry for your raid group. You call them a rag-tag team and say you feel no kinship with them. They are already suffering from your attitude. It's up to you as their leader to create a positive atmosphere. Take advice from Wilson on House by finding common likes and dislikes. Your companions are only as boring as your lack of effort to get to know them.
But this may be a moot point. You need to decide which you prefer, playing your rogue or leading a raid. If being raid leader is the most important to you, then stay where you are and be happy with your decision. You could even try practicing leading while playing your rogue until you get it right and have the best of both worlds. When I say to be happy, I mean to stop questioning your decision and kvetching about it. If you can't, then you made the wrong choice.
If you choose playing your rogue -- and it sounds like that is your preference already -- I think you have two choices. You can ask the main raid leader if you can be rotated in on your rogue, or you could take Lisa's advice and search for greener pastures.
Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at firstname.lastname@example.org. Read Robin's section of this post on how to get your letter answered and please remember that we cannot answer privately.