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Free for All: Why I play free-to-play
I hid in waiting under a soggy sheet of cardboard for the past three days with stale Cheetos as my only nourishment. I had but a single target, who finally exited his house with bleached skin, a red fuzzy head and blurry eyes. As he stood at his front door trying to shoo away the sun like a vampire, I made my move. At last, I thought, Beau's spirit hood will be mine. By the time I was well into a Keanu Reeves-style flying scissor-kick, I realized an important tactical error. It wasn't the horror-filled eyes of a man who had spent too much time indoors staring at a computer screen that I was looking into, but the fierce come-get-some eyes of a teenager with spiky, dyed hair who was practicing his karate moves. Had I thought beyond simply looking cool as I made my attack, I would have realized I spent every ounce of energy I had to pull off the insane leap-kick that actually looked more like what you'd expect: a tired, wet, dirty, malnourished geek hop-skipping and shouting gibberish through a yard with a piece of cardboard stuck to his back. The three-day diet of stale Cheetos did not give me enough fuel to defend myself from the brutal pummeling that the pint-sized Bruce Lee gave me. It turns out Beau lived in the house next door. He had seen my wild display and subsequent beating, so he came out to help me. He invited me into his house to let me clean myself up, extolled the dangers of trying to live out movie fantasies, and offered to let me write his column for a week. It wasn't a spirit hood, but it was a very nice gesture. The dog-shaped cookies were a nice gift too, although I don't know why he snickered every time I ate one. No. The above tale really didn't happen, but Beau is letting me write his column today so I can tell you why I love to play free-to-play MMOs.
