No, you're not being mercilessly attacked by an unyielding feeling of déjà vu for no good reason -- we really have seen something eerily similar to this happen before. This go 'round, we've got a totally innocent ten year old boy who was given Guitar Hero for DS prior to even owning a console; as the mother finally ended the tease, she handed him a shiny new DS handheld for him to unwrap. Unfortunately for everyone involved, all that was tucked inside was a couple of stones, a Chinese newspaper and boatloads of disappointment. After the Walmart store from which she purchased it referred her to the Big N, she furiously admitted the following: "They don't want to do nothing. They want me to keep the box of rocks. I'm not buying a box of rocks for $138." Thankfully, Wally World finally refunded her and threw in a $20 gift card for the trouble (after being hounded by a local news station, mind you), but the real damage -- losing all hope in humanity -- will never be undone. Ever.

[Via plugged in]

For whatever reason, Apple's iPod ends up in the middle of quite a few crimes. The latest story, however, is even more extreme than usual. Nicholas Arthur Woodhams, a 23 year old from Kalamazoo, Michigan, was recently slapped upside the gord with federal charges of fraud and money laundering after he managed to con Apple into shipping him around 9,000 iPod shuffles. As the story goes, he managed to somehow correctly guess thousands of valid shuffle serial numbers and have replacements shipped to him; once they arrived, he sold them for less than MSRP to excited buyers, all while giving Apple a prepaid VISA number that would reject the charges after he failed to send back the nonexistent "original" shuffle. It's rather amazing to us that he was able to pull this off for so long without being noticed, but even if it works for awhile, we've learned yet again that crime doesn't pay. In fact, the feds have already seized a half million bucks from one brokerage account, some real estate and a trio of vehicles. Tragic, yeah?

[Via Macworld, thanks Steve]

Though not quite as bad as toting the GPS module around with you, one particular marijuana farmer had to be mighty embarrassed / wondering what he ever did to deserve such bad luck when a GPS-equipped turtle meandered into his crop. As the story goes, a close friend of the police -- a box turtle with no fear of Big Brother -- just happened upon a pot stash on US park property. Clearly, Mr. Isiah Johnson (the culprit) was heavily stoned when choosing US land to farm his ganja, and now he's in custody until he's "extradited back DC to face drug charges." And you thought all you had to do was dodge those CCTV cameras...

[Via TechDigest]

It was inevitable, really. We've seen quick-footed thieves swipe GPS units that eventually led to their arrest, a bank robber who didn't even bother to close his clamshell while holding up the joint and now, we've seen the Eye-Fi card really pay off. According to the outfit's PR firm Red Consultancy, one particular vacationer had her entire stash of camera gear (over $1,000 worth) stolen while taking a load off in Florida. Upon returning home and checking things out, she noticed that all of the snapshots taken prior to the theft were uploaded, and upon closer inspection, she even noticed a clear shot of the remarkably idiotic crook. After syncing up with the boys in blue, all of the gal's equipment was eventually returned, and some semblance of normalcy was finally returned. How's that for a feel good story, huh?

[Image courtesy of Al]

Make no mistake, we've seen some fairly boneheaded moves (even someone rocking this very same gaffe!) made by technologically-illiterate bank robbers, but the latest case involves a fellow who was quite the opposite of that. Yes, the 20 to 25 year male who decided to hold up an Alabama bank the day before his taxes were due actually did the deed without hanging up his cellphone. And there's surveillance footage to prove it. Quite honestly, we can't imagine what the conversation here would've been like, but at least he made the most of whatever minutes he had remaining as a free man, right?

[Via textually]

Apple's no stranger to having its wares ganked (a lot), but this one really has us scratching our noggins some kind of fierce. Apparently a couple of meddlesome 20-somethings working at a Salem, New Hampshire Apple store managed to scoot away with somewhere between 330 and 700 iPhones. After somehow stuffing that many handsets into a panel van / pickup truck / privately owned C-130, they seemingly sweet talked a single high-roller into snatching up their entire stash for upwards of $138,000 -- which could be a bargain (or not) depending on the actual quantity included in the deal, internal capacity, etc. Minutiae aside, both individuals are currently residing under the strong arm of the law (surveillance cameras are hard to dodge), but curiously, nothing is mentioned about the buyer who didn't find spending over a hundred large with a couple of average joes (who just happened to have an inordinately large amount of iPhones for sale) the least bit odd.

[Thanks, Scott]

Odds are, if you're committing a series of robberies while wearing an ankle bracelet put on you by the law, you might not be the brightest bulb in the bunch. That's exactly what one Ohio resident got up to recently, though unfortunately for him, he was located by the GPS chip embedded in the aforementioned bracelet. Apparently, after six or so burglaries in his neighborhood, police got wise to the situation and pinpointed James Wombles using signals from his fashionable accessory, finding him innocently relaxing in a vehicle filled up with stolen items. The man had no comment, though we imagine upon capture he might have said something like, "Durrr." Once again GPS technology proves it's not just for getting cars stuck in cherry trees.

Rest assured, we've seen some brainless criminals in our day, but this one ranks pretty high on the list. Reportedly, a (potentially inebriated) individual waltzed into a police station and frantically announced that his phone had been stolen at gunpoint. When the detective called the number of the phone reportedly stolen, however, a ring was heard from the "victim's" pocket. After pondering what the criminal hoped to gain from the situation, we here at Engadget HQ came up empty, and apparently, the police involved in the situation were equally stumped -- so stumped, in fact, that they issued a statement entitled "Dumbest criminal?" with details of the event in a local newspaper. We'd say that sums it up fairly accurately.

[Image courtesy of FOTW, thanks LordFarkward]

If a burglar with exquisite taste somehow managed to snag a million dollar Goldvish, asking for just $185,000 for its safe return wouldn't be too far-fetched. Apparently, the mobile in question wasn't of the princely variety, as this particular thief managed to lower his asking price to a rock-bottom $200. The suspect, known initially through police paperwork as "Baby Boy," was lured into a trap after police tagged along for the exchange and arrested him at gunpoint. When Mr. Boy (later found to be Randy-Jay Adolphos Jones, which is only slightly better) was questioned, he just couldn't put a finger on why he blurted out the $185k figure versus something more reasonable, but hey, not everyone can be right on top of current market conditions, right?

[Via The Raw Feed]

Believe it or not, Chicago policeman Thaddeus Martyka isn't the first cop to chase down a crook with the help of a Segway, but nevertheless, the two-wheeled wonder is to thank for yet another arrest. Whilst patrolling the streets and enjoying the summer breeze, the officer heard shots fired and decided to wheel over and see what the commotion was all about. Sure enough, the baddies were found scurrying away from the scene of a crime, and while one suspect managed to escape, the other wasn't so fortunate. Purportedly, the Segway reached a top speed of 12.5mph, which proved plenty fast to capture (and likely humiliate) at least one of the ill-willed individuals.

[Image courtesy of PoliceOne]

If you think doing five months of hard time in the slammer for uploading a feature film to the internet is tough, try using Windows for nearly half a year when your heart belongs to Linux. Unfortunately, this heartbreaking scenario is indeed true, as the "ex-administrator of the EliteTorrents BitTorrent tracker" is now being forced to use an operating system in which the US government can install monitoring software on. According to Sk0t, who has served his jail time and is now sitting through five months of home confinement, he believes that the government "should have software that conforms to [him]," especially considering how expensive it would be to replace all of one's software... sans a job. Of course, his alternative seems to be just living out the sentence without using a PC at all, but c'mon, we all know that ain't happening.

[Via Slashdot]

Granted, crooks who aren't up to speed on their technology have paid dearly (and rightfully so) for their ignorance, but a comical case involving a witty bank robber proved that even master plans involving GPS can be subverted. Reportedly, a woman who made off with an undisclosed amount of cash from a People's Bank in Connecticut somehow realized that a tracking device was stuffed within one of the oh-so-valuable bags. Rather than panicking, however, she simply removed the chip, chucked it in the sewer, and went about her day. It wasn't noted whether the sly criminal was ever brought to justice, but if the fuzz eventually ran her down, it was most certainly done the old fashioned way.

[Via TGDaily, image courtesy of NYJWJ]

It's no secret that rashes of violent crime in London have been plaguing the city for some time now, but some parents are going to Kevlar-lined extremes in order to protect their offspring whilst away from home. Reportedly, orders for Kevlar-infused school uniforms and casual wear have skyrocketed of late, as school-aged stabbings seem to be on the rise. Notably, plenty of orders are coming in from the States as well, and while Deputy Asst. Commissioner Al Hitchcock claimed that merely "one-percent" of crimes around London involved a knife, mums and dads would seemingly rather be safe than sorry.

[Via Wired]

Earlier this year, Inventec Appliances (spun off from Inventec Electronics) was raided as prosecutors began looking for evidence to support charges of alleged insider trading, and now it looks like nine of the firm's employees could be headed to the slammer. Taiwan's Banciao District Prosecutors Office "alleged that nine executives and one lower level employee failed to publicly reveal a steep drop in iPod orders until after they had sold off nearly $22.4 million worth of stock," and although the employees knew of the order cuts as early as January 19th, nothing was publicly revealed until mid-March. Purportedly, prosecutors "are seeking the stiffest penalties against the two top executives," and if the evidence sticks, we have all ideas that Inventec will be huntin' a new Chairman (and President, too) in the not-too-distant future.

[Via TUAW]

Mace is so last century. These days, you're not really lookin' out unless you're packing a C2 stun gun, or now, an Avurt IM-5. This pistol-like device can reportedly launch "up to five PAVA filled projectiles at attackers up to 40-feet away," and will cause an assailant's "nose, throat, and eyes to burn." Notably, this non-lethal weapon has never been associated with a death, and comes in black, blue, red, or pink color schemes. The IM-5 is available for $299, which will buy you the weapon, ten "practice rounds," a carrying case and a training DVD, and any orders placed now should ship out by the month's end.

[Via Gizmodiva]