friendship
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'Tinder for friends' uses AI to block flirty messages
Making new friends as an adult is hard, and it's easy to find yourself relying on old college pals and work colleagues to bolster your social life, even if the former live on the other side of the country and the latter are, well, your work colleagues. Many an app has tried and largely failed to address this problem, but as any woman who's been brave enough to seek friends -- genuine platonic friends -- online will know, it's not long before your inbox is inundated with dire pickup lines, weak attempts at 'cheeky banter' and, of course, the ubiquitous dick pic. Enter Patook. Launching globally on July 7 on iPhone and Android, the app claims to make finding new friends easier and less traumatic thanks to an algorithm which detects and blocks flirty language.
For science! The relationship between shyness and online game friendships
It's a common stereotype that shy people flock to the internet to socialize without fear of rejection. But is it true? German researchers from the University of Münster have tackled that question. In a paper published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking this past summer, the scientists sought to determine the relationship between online video games and friendship. They surveyed German video game enthusiasts to measure their involvement with online games, their web of friendships online and off, and their emotional sensitivity -- a behavioral marker for shyness. After controlling for confounders like age and gender, they found that those subjects with high emotional sensitivity reported more online friends than offline when compared to those with low emotional sensitivity. High emotional sensitivity also correlated with online friendships that transformed into offline friendships. In other words, the shier you are, the more likely you are to make more of your friends in cyberspace than meatspace, at least if you're a self-identified gamer. As Gamasutra put it, "emotionally sensitive users are using the online gaming environment differently from their counterparts. As they are shy in face-to-face interactions which translated to fewer friends, but they were able to make more friends through online videogames which its affordances (i.e., asynchronicity, visual anonymity, etc.) paved a way for them to compensate or overcome their shyness." The full paper is behind an academic paywall, but the Gamasutra summary is worth a read.
Storyboard: Now I only want you gone
Roleplaying friendships are like any other sort of friendship. The person you started roleplaying with at the launch of the game may not be someone you want to keep roleplaying with through the whole of your time with the game. The question isn't whether or not this will happen; it's when it will happen and what you're going to do when you realize that you don't want to play with this person any longer. What sounds like the simplest thing in the world becomes much harder due to the simple fact that none of us likes telling someone else, "I don't want to interact with you any longer." That means you've got to read the signs and derive a lesson -- and also learn the way that your signals are going to be read, even if you don't mean it that way. So what signs do you get, what signs do you send, and what do you do?
The Drama Mamas guide to finding gaming buddies
A gaming buddy isn't quite the same thing as a guildmate. A gaming buddy is quite often also a guildie, but your guildmates aren't necessarily your gaming buddies. Your gaming buddies are people who play with you more often than not. They're your partners in crime, the homies you hang out with in Azeroth whether they're covering your back through your first LFR or filling your chat box during a night of pre-alchemy herbalizing. But just as when you were trying to break into the social scene during your school days, you might feel a bit of an outsider when it comes to connecting with simpatico players in WoW. For many players, there's only so long you can happily play on your own; Azeroth is a large, lonely land when you wish you had someone to share it with. While joining a friendly guild can often be a great way to meet people, simply coexisting in an online space with a common chat channel somewhere on your screen won't build the kind of friendships you're hungry for. Let the Drama Mamas show you a few tricks of the trade for finding players you might click with on a more personal basis.
Breakfast Topic: Who's your buddy?
Even if you've done nothing more than stand on the sidelines to watch the antics of the World of Warcraft Twitterati (come chat with us @WoWInsider) scroll by, you can't help but notice that the WoW community is full of people who love to make friends with other WoW players. Guildmates open up on guild Facebook pages, throw summer barbecues, and fall in love. Me, I don't play with friends much right now. My work schedule leaves my play time so intensely sporadic (two weeks on, a month away, another month solid followed by a smattering of occasional log-ins) that I tend to hop from project character to project character. But what I enjoy most is combining all my social gaming peeps in one spot: my spouse, our real-life gaming friends, our extended family of gaming buddies met over the years, and a current crop of guildies and friends encountered in game in the here and now. Who do you play with -– a significant other, a real-life buddy? A group of regulars you met in Azeroth or in other games? A guild you're connected with for the time being, with no real plans to keep in touch once you've changed characters or left WoW? Or do you keep things casual, grouping only with random players you meet on a day-by-day basis?
Breakfast Topic: Joined at the hip
A couple of months ago, my tanking partner of over a year decided to take a break from WoW to focus on real life. In my guild, our policy has always been real life over the game, so there were no hard feelings. Although I was happy for my raiding buddy, I wasn't looking forward to recruiting a new tank. After tanking together for so long, we could predict what the other would do and we worked very well together. I eventually recruited another tank, but didn't feel as comfortable as I was with my old partner. "It will take time," I told myself. I was just making myself feel better, and to be honest, I still don't feel a connection with my new tank partner. I've not had fun raiding lately and that's a bad sign. The social interaction in WoW is as big a factor in why I play as the content is. How about you? Do you have an in-game friend that you team well with? If you raid, how important to you is having a connection with others in your group? How do you feel when that dynamic changes, and what do you do if it does?
Drama Mamas: Of flings and friendships
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. Harassment is as harassment does. Dear Drama Mamas, To put it simply, I am incredibly overwhelmed by a mix of issues with my guild both online and off. I have been with the same guild since about 2009(ish) and was one of the founding members. I assisted with raid leading, recruitment, and many other facets of keeping things running. Myself, our guild leader - who I will call J, and a fellow officer, W were all very close friends for several years. Until I made a fatal mistake. During a guild event myself and W got... a little too close. I know it was a mistake and it has been having a negative impact on my life for several years now. Whenever I would date anyone else, W would become incredibly jealous and angry, to the point of threatening me, and making incredibly lewd remarks to me via e-mail or messenger services. J, on the other hand did not want to become involved (reasonably so, I think) and would not address the issue.
The Soapbox: Remembering that games are games
I think it's safe to assume that we all love games. If we didn't, I wouldn't be in this crowded, noisy coffee shop writing this and you wouldn't be blowing off some sort of important responsibility reading it. We're all here together, engaged in this somewhat-anonymous internet back-and-forth, because games have touched our lives. It sounds corny, but it's true. For many of us, games have a deeply personal and specific meaning. We like the games we like not so much for their craftsmanship or content but for the way they engage our minds and spirits. Games create incredible, irreplaceable moments infused with emotional resonance, and it's only natural we would feel some sort of personal connection when a piece of digital entertainment syncs just right. It is precisely this personal connection that leads many of us to act like total morons.
Drama Mamas: He's ready to plaaayyy ...
Time for a nostalgic trip back to Ulduar, boys and girls. This week's letter writer? Like a certain clockwork creation from our past, he might be just a little overeager to come out and play ... Hi WoW Insider Drama Mamas, So ... I'm a WoW n00b. I get the impression I'm a rarity these days (even with the release of Mists of Pandaria) (I'm so n00b I've only recently worked out that WoW means World of Warcraft and not like "Hey, man, WoW!" with a badly placed capital letter). IRL I'm a pretty outgoing bloke as well. I'm not short of mates, and friendly to most people I know. I even have a young family, and a wife I love very much. I'm an internet veteran who remembers ICQ and IRC chat. I've hung out on rock band and football club forums and successfully existed online there. I've played MMO style games before, in particular Second Life which is all about being social, and I've done well in the whole making friends thing there. But when it comes to WoW, I don't seem to be able to strike it, socially at least. I've got one mate on my friends list, who I know from RL; however, I worry I make him sick of me bugging him with my n00b questions. (What's the Dungeon Hunter? Where do I get leather from to make stuff with? Who's Leeroy Jenkins?) I had a brief "fling" with a girl kind enough to take me on my first dungeon run. I kept dying. I'm sure she was laughing her head off. But she was very gracious, kind, and friendly. I friended her, however I think she's since culled me from her friends list which of course makes me sad, but hey maybe she had to cull her list because it was too busy for her to concentrate on playing perhaps. I understand that sort of thing completely and I'm certainly not hurt over it. Other than that ... Every time I chat publicly to someone I'm either ignored or they run away. Comments in the casual guild I've joined seem to get ignored. And like I say, I don't want to drown my RL mate in-game either. Would love to see what you both have to say. What makes the WoW denizen different from other online hangout denizens? Many thanks, Scott Nofriends
Drama Mamas: When a friend keeps you from leaving WoW
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. Friendship is important, but is it so important that the effort to sustain it be one-sided? Hi Drama Mamas, I've been playing WoW for several years now, and while I enjoy it and am excited for MoP, I'm a little burnt out and want to take a break. However, there's an issue keeping me from taking the break that I want to, which is my friend. My friend Tom is a mutual friend of my friend Kyle, who I've known since high school who has already quit more or less (he's very busy and logs on a couple times a month, if that). Tom is a nice guy, and I enjoy talking with him and occasionally running stuff with him...but he only wants to play WoW. He doesn't want to play anything else, and he doesn't want to even talk about anything else.
Drama Mamas: Love triangle or just stay friends?
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of the checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your realm. Confess your love or respect your friend's new relationship? Dear Drama-Mamas, After reading both articles concerning two different love triangles, I felt compelled to write this. I'm sort of in one at the moment. Sort of, because I'm the crusher, secretly of course. What's worse about it is that she's my friend, of nine years, we met back on another MMO and while our friendship has had a few ups and downs, we always came back to each other stronger. We've both seen the other go through several relationships and bounce back as well.
Breakfast Topic: Do your WoW and real-life friendships overlap?
I had some sad news not long ago -- a friend of mine passed away in a freak accident while on holiday with his girlfriend in Thailand. I knew him through his girlfriend, and it had eventually come out in conversation that we both played WoW. He was Jacksonn of European Elite on Terokkar (EU). His guild ran ICC not long ago in his memory; they told me he had wanted bracers from there for his warrior, so it was a sweet tribute. He counted many great friends among his guild, just as in the world outside Azeroth, as do I among mine. I got into playing WoW through friends I knew from the local pub. They talked me into it one Christmas when I was on gardening leave and bored to tears. As I've played, I've made many good friends, strengthened my bonds with my real-life friends, and even met someone special. My WoW friends have helped me through some difficult times. It's a great form of escapism, and there's almost always somebody online to chat with about reforging, or cats, or complaining about PuGs, or nothing in particular. How about you? Do you have real-life friends you met through WoW? Do your real-life friends play too? How does your social circle spill over between the world and Azeroth?
Wings Over Atreia: Attitude of gratitude
For Solorius, I expounded on my wish list for Aion, detailing things I wanted to see in game. Now, however, 'tis the season to express thankfulness for that which we have. While contemplating the many things I am grateful for in my life, I also considered the things that I am grateful for in the world of Atreia. Sure, things are not perfect (what world, real or pixelated, is?), and there are problems, bugs, and things I still hope are changed or added, but that does not diminish the fact that Aion still offers many things to gamers in general -- and me in particular. Originally slated to release during the holiday, this topic was preempted by last week's announcement. No matter -- I certainly don't mind stretching out the season of gratitude. So while it might be more trendy to troll and spread hate, I dedicate this week's Wings Over Atreia to just saying thanks. Don't believe there are things to be thankful for? Step past the cut (or roll, if you enjoyed as much turkey as I did) to check out my reasons and a chance to express your own.
Breakfast Topic: Are you a fan of Azeroth's sheer size or fine detail?
This Breakfast Topic has been brought to you by Seed, the AOL guest writer program that brings your words to WoW Insider's pages. World of Warcraft certainly has a wide appeal. One need only look at the motley crew assembled on this news blog to take notice of that. Along with such a vast fan base come varying ways to appreciate the game world. Depending on who you ask, Watchmen is either a great piece of popular literature, a great graphic novel, or an overhyped piece of junk. If you talk to somebody who falls in one of the former camps, you're likely to hear that one of the key reasons for the novel's success are the small details. Throughout the novel, a minor backstory involving Soviet aggression and the escalating chances of nuclear war in Dr. Manhattan's wake plays out in the form of newspaper headlines. It's one of those blink-and-you'll-miss-it plot points, but it really helps to create a sense of reality in the novel's dystopian alternate history. Such minor details are often the key to success in most artistic media -- and gaming is no different. Look no further than WoW's famed arguing NPCs Asric and Jadaar, or on a smaller scale the shifty vendor Griftah, whose magical amulets prove a little less than spellbinding. Such small aspects of a game world so massive can often go overlooked, yet it is there that the game finds its heart. On the other hand, few game worlds are as expansive and in constant flux as Azeroth. With four continents to explore and a growing story that evolves every few months, it's hard to downplay the brilliant sense of scale and scope that Blizzard has brought to Azeroth. What sells the game world for you -- the details, or the big picture?
The Guild Counsel: PAX East panel explores online communities
There were two things that really stood out for me at PAX East: the ridiculously long lines and the throngs of fans who happily sat down together to play games face to face. On the surface, PAX East might seem to be about who has the best card deck or who has the quickest twitch reflexes, but it's actually much more than that. We've looked at the growing importance of online communities and the relationships that have been created by them, so it's little surprise that PAX was full of players who were there to meet and play with friends they met through gaming. And among the many panels this weekend, there was one that explored this very issue. The speakers were all experienced managers of online communities, and they shared their stories of how they got started and why these communities are so important. Read on to hear their stories.
Heart Story: One player's quest for iconic affection
The first character I ever made in WoW was a rogue named Lockette. She was an adorable little gnome with green pigtails who I played for 5 minutes while my boyfriend (who'd left himself logged in on the character selection screen) was in the shower. I don't recall much of what I did in the game during those few minutes, but I remember being fascinated by the sight of my character's footsteps on the snowy terrain of Dun Morogh. Looking back on it now, I know it probably sounds like a strange thing to be impressed by, but my gaming experience at that time was limited to sprite RPGs that didn't have those kinds of little details. I wasn't used to being able to affect the environment of a game. So I ran in circles, squiggles, and zigzags, then finally made a small effort at drawing something simple: a heart. That's when I realized the prints fade quite quickly.
Breakfast Topic: Are real-life friendships more "real" than in-game friendships?
This Breakfast Topic has been brought to you by Seed, the Aol guest writer program that brings your words to WoW Insider's pages. It was a Saturday night. I had spent the whole week working, and I wanted to do something fun. A buddy of mine called me to go out that night, but I just didn't feel like it. I wanted a fun night, but I didn't feel like going out and doing anything. Another one of my friends called me: "Dude, meet me at ICC in 20 minutes." Then he hung up. I thought to myself, "Should I do something with my real-life friend, or should I play WoW with some people I've never really met?" Well, my WoW friends won, and I spent the rest of the night on an alt beating up ICC for about three hours. I've noticed as of late I tend to lean toward my WoW friends rather than my real-life friends. Why is that, you ask? I really have no idea. A few of my real-life friends play WoW. One of them is actually the one who got me started in the first place. I quit two years later and then came back because I started dating a girl who played WoW. Needless to say, my troll hunter became a night elf hunter, and I have come to call the people I play WoW with true friends of mine. Other people may say I am wrong in this mindset. I tell them that I spend more time with the online friends (even though it's not in a physical sense), and I have a lot of fun doing it. Sure, there are arguments and rage-logging occasionally, but doesn't that happen in real life as well? Instead of a door slamming and car burning out in the driveway, you get the nice ding of someone disconnecting from Ventrilo and their name coming up as "Bob has gone offline." Do you consider your WoW friends real friends? And if you do, what lengths are you willing to go to for them? Are you willing to stay up until 2 in the morning trying to two-man Molten Core, just like you would stay up until 2 in the morning back in high school watching some crappy horror movies with your real-life friends? Have you met up with your WoW friends in real life, and if so, do you now consider them real-life friends?
Wings Over Atreia: The ties that bind
Flaws. Bugs. Annoyances -- like a level 45 slaughtering you while your little level 18 self is quietly going about gathering Lumesia. Moments that just make you want to find a dev and toss him off the nearest high rise; all games have them, no one denies this -- not even Aion players (although they usually don't feel the need to discuss them with those who don't play). So why is it we stay in games that, at times, make us want to rip our hair out by the fistfuls? With such a plethora of games catering to a wide variety of play styles, how do we stay faithful to a particular one over the long haul, even when we know it isn't perfect? No, it isn't because we are all secretly masochistic. Or because we detest our barber/hairdresser. Looking around me in games both past and present, watching those who could be considered die-hards stay in (and enjoy) games long after the masses have fled, I found themes that mirrored some of my own reasons -- because, alternately, there are the moments that make it worth it. Not the art, the features, or the wittiness of the quest dialog. Rather, the ties that bind us: Friendships, epic memories, and just plain stubbornness. Charge across the bridge and we'll delve into my top reasons for sticking with a title, even in the face of the raging malcontents.
Drama Mamas: Hacking a friend's account
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your server. It was really hard to choose from the many dramalicious emails we got this week. So much drama, so little time. I'm happy we have so many topics to choose from, but sad that so many of you have to go through so many dramafied situations. This one really did stick out as pretty dramarific, however. Dramarily! Drama-lama ding dong! Dramastified. OK, I'm drama-done. Turn the page for all the dramaness.
Drama Mamas: See ya around, buddy
Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are experienced gamers and real-life mamas -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your server. No one wants to see a good friend move on. Gaming friends seem to come in two varieties: the kind who end up at your side in game after game, across the years ... and those who drift away as soon as your immediate goals diverge. Some of them end up on your Facebook page chatting about the kids, but most fade into obscurity so quickly you find yourself struggling to remember their names. Still, you can't force a good thing, as one Sad Panda discovers this week. Hi Lisa & Robin, For the last few years I've been playing with a very close-knit group of friends, our play time with each other comes and goes as we go about our ever changing lives, (work, school, non-wow relationships), but we always keep in touch with email, and chat outside of the game. About a year or so ago we had the pleasure of including another person to our group. He's an all around great friend to have, and I think I can safely say for everyone that we've all enjoyed knowing and playing with him. Now as you know we're in the pre-expansion dead zone right now. Either you're raiding to get to, or finish end game raids, farming for rep / skills / heroics / so on, or you shelve your main(s) and bust out a new toon to level up. I've chosen the latter, I have toons on both sides of the border and have been playing on the Alliance side for some time now and really felt like dusting off my Horde toons. So both my hubbie and I are stomping around with new toons, (and old), on the horde side and a few of our other friends have joined us.
