Oh hells yes. We've arrived at CES in full nerd style. We sent Moms to Atlantic City so us kids could hijack the trailer all the way to Vegas baby, Las Vegas. And in true Kojak style we parked right in front of the central hall just outside the Las Vegas Convention Center. What better base to provide the best CES 2009 coverage on the Net? Check our first pass on the show floor after the break. With roots now planted and enough gadgets to keep us busy 7 by 24... we may never go home.

Sharper Image died an inglorious death in February and then went through some embarrassing death spasms, but it sounds like liquidators Hilco Merchant Resources and Gordon Brothers Retail Partners have realized that there's still some value in the Sharper Image name -- they've just announced a plan to rent the name out to other companies looking to spruce up their knockoff crap. The idea is for the Sharper Image name to lend credibility to infomercial and catalog products, and there's even talk of wholesaling to Target and Best Buy, with the goal of reaching annual sales of $1B. That's a lot of air purifiers -- let's hope America's late-night TV shoppers think more highly of Sharper Image than pretty much everyone else we know.

Not that anyone really expected Sharper Image to make a comeback after getting put up for sale, but Hilco Merchant Resources and Gordon Brothers Retail Partners (the same peeps who gutted CompUSA) are putting the lame brand out of its misery, liquidating all 86 remaining stores nation-wide. Apparently the fire sale will offer between 20-40% off retail prices (meaning they'll still be making a healthy margin on all their overpriced crap), so if you just can't bear the thought of not having a deeply discounted Shiatsu foot massager / fish de-scaler / clock-radio then get the gettin' while the gettin's good.

Sure, The Sharper Image is bankrupt, but that's no reason to avoid this once in a lifetime opportunity to buy the company as it goes under. As you're undoubtedly already aware, The Sharper Image invented the idea of ions with the semi-functional Ionic Breeze air purifier, but did you know that it also led the movement to call anything with a stereo minijack "iPod-compatible?" That's history, folks. And now that the board of directors has put the company on the block with the share price down to 23 cents and the goal of selling by the end of next month, you could conceivably be America's next massage-chair kingpin for just $3.6M -- what's to lose? We'll even throw in the disgraced executive team, a $25 value! Operators are standing by!

What's worse than being forced to hang with your "pals" as they peruse the aisles of Sharper Image? Why, perusing the aisle at Brookstone, of course! In an admittedly ridiculous ploy to solicit business from now-shafted Sharper Image gift card holders, Brookstone is attempting to do the world some giant favor by converting any Sharper Image gift cards or gift certificate into a 25-percent off discount for its stores. Unfortunately, the individual with a $1 gift card and a $20,000 gift card get the same lame-o discount, and better still, the deal isn't valid on the few things in there worth a darn Sony, Celestron, Bose, Panasonic and Tempur-Pedic items. Thanks for nothing, Brookstone.

[Image courtesy of OrlandoAirports]

We can't say the writing was exactly on the wall or anything, but when Sharper Image attempted to sell self-branded cellphones and got dinged for pushing grossly overpriced air purifiers that actually made things worse -- well, you could tell things weren't all peaches and cream. Regardless, the company made famous for selling trinkets and massage chairs in malls everywhere has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after "declining sales and three straight years of losses led to a shortage of liquidity." Comically enough, the retailer actually went so far as to "partly blame" the negative publicity surrounding the aforementioned Ionic Breeze air purifiers for its falling revenues, and court papers also show that it's currently seeking a $60 million loan to keep operating. Oh, how the mighty mediocre have fallen.

[Thanks, Steve]

Many of us know The Sharper Image best as a purveyor of massaging lounge chairs (which makes their stores a must-stop location in the mall), a chronic pusher of ozone generators, and as a perennial favorite in SkyMall catalogs as we bide our time on the redeye. What we don't know The Sharper Image for, though, is its broad selection of no-name phones procured from Chinese manufacturers. We just happened to be flipping through TSI's latest catalog today and came across these four little gems, three with "The Sharper Image" proudly emblazoned across their faces. The pack includes a touchscreen equipped Chocolate knockoff (very 2006, but still quite strapping), a branded version of the AMOI N810 Windows Mobile 6 Professional device, a black slider that looks like death incarnated, and an ultra-generic silver clamshell that looks straight out of the early part of this decade. The good news is that they're all unlocked and range from a very reasonable $169.95 to $499.95; the bad news, however, is that you may have to keep your thumb over the TSI logo to keep the public mockery to a minimum.



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Each week Ross Rubin contributes Switched On, a column about technology, multimedia, and digital entertainment:

My mama raised me to treat everyone equally, but I have to admit that I have this thing about zombies. Now I know you shouldn't judge someone by the color of their rotting flesh or whom they eat. However, those pale-green cannibalistic undead just make my skin crawl -- not literally like theirs does, mind you, but crawl nonetheless. To set up a quick and inexpensive monitoring solution to alert me of their presence this Halloween, I needed to use my brain before they did.

The first product I checked out was the $179 "Secret Security Camcorder Hidden in a Clock" from The Sharper Image, the awkward name of which may have been even scarier than the zombies themselves. Such spycams are, of course, effective only as long as they remain unrecognized, and appearing in a national store chain and catalog may defeat some of the clock's clandestine advantage. The "clockcorder" uses 64 MB of flash memory to record up to 12 minutes of motion-activated QVGA video encoded using DivX; its capacity can also be expanded using SD cards. The product can also run entirely on batteries for more placement flexibility.

Without any LCD or way to preview the video, the camcorder clock relies on an adjustable base and a clever mirrored button similar to the tiny round mirrors used for taking pictures of yourself on cameras and camera phones. In fact, the device is so simple to use that the manual devotes more space to the clock functions than the camcorder ones. To play back video, you can either pop the SD card out of the clock and into your PC or connect the clock to your PC via an included USB cable. (Unfortunately, the cover for the USB port fits poorly.) Video files can be played by Windows Media Player on the PC or QuickTime on either the PC or Mac after adding the DivX component.