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Steamy Romance Novels: Now with illustrations
One of my favorite parts of any new expansion has just gotten an upgrade, of sorts. It's no secret that I love the Steamy Romance Novels that have been a staple in the game since Burning Crusade. Mists of Pandaria added not one, but two new selections -- although one of them, I'm In Love With A Robot, is too smudged to actually read. Needless to say, part of me has been wondering if the savage lands of Draenor will, in fact, contain one of these literary masterpieces for us to collect. I was both surprised and delighted to see that not only do we get a new book, but all the books in the collection have received visual upgrades. That's right -- every readable Steamy Romance Novel now has illustrations along with the tantalizingly silly bits of story. That's some pretty loving attention to detail for what are essentially a bunch of vendor-trash books that most people won't favor with more than a glance. But more importantly, a new novel has been added to the collection: A Steamy Romance Novel: Savage Passions. And even more importantly than that, a new method has been added of obtaining all of the Steamy Romance Novels ... just in case you were missing one from your collection.
Frolicking merrily with Martar the Not-So-Smart
Have you ever wondered, while you were wandering the lush forest of Pandaria, what it would be like to have a constant companion at your side? A friend to share the scenery with, someone to reassure you that in the end, everything will be all right? Someone who looks up to you as the triumphant hero that you are, impressed by your various exploits across Azeroth and beyond? Someone to snuggle with on those particularly cold nights at the heights of Kun-Lai Summit? I'm terribly sorry, but you're out of luck. But we do have a different sort of companion for you -- the kind that interjects with silly catchphrases while he's merrily pulling half the hostile wildlife to your side. The kind that stares down the face of danger without fear, only the empty eyes of one who has taken one too many blows to the head, tongue dangling wildly from the corner of his mouth as a gobbet of drool lazily grazes his cheek. His name is Martar. He's not-so-smart. But he'll tag along with you if you know where to find him.
Steamy Romance Novel makes a return with double the fun in Mists
Although I've been impressed and delighted with each update of stuff to come with Mists of Pandaria -- the armor, the weapons, the reputation rewards, the mounts, and of course all those wonderful pets -- I still couldn't help but feel that something terribly important was missing. This thing, of course, was the Steamy Romance Novel edition for the next expansion, which we discussed way back in March. I mean sure, you can give me five new levels, a new race, and a ton of stuff to do, but it just doesn't feel complete until I can read about Sir Marcus' further, uh, exploits, as it were. Ladies and gentlemen, the issue has been addressed. And we have not one, but two resources waiting for us (although one of them doesn't appear to be legible). A Steamy Romance Novel: Hot and Misty follows Marcus to the Tavern of the Mists, where we learn that Kama the stable master is largely unimpressed with Marcus' exploits, Madam Goya appears to offer more rare items than expected, and you should be careful heading upstairs in the neutral tavern, because you might just find a pair of blood elves waiting for you. Unless you're into that thing, of course. You can read the whole tawdry mess over on Wowhead. And if you're interested in more, well, you're kind of out of luck for now, it seems. While A Steamy Romance Novel: I'm In Love With A Robot exists, it's too smudged with oil to read. Oddly enough, it appears to be an engineering item, since it fits in any of the engineering bags available. Apparently the book came with a schematic -- who knew? Regardless, with all the new new new of Mists, it's nice to see some things never change. It's open warfare between Alliance and Horde in Mists of Pandaria, World of Warcraft's next expansion. Jump into five new levels with new talents and class mechanics, try the new monk class, and create a pandaren character to ally with either Horde or Alliance. Look for expansion basics in our Mists FAQ, or dig into our spring press event coverage for more details!
Wherefore art thou, Steamy Romance Novel?
There's nothing quite like curling up with a good book, except perhaps curling up with a good book in game. WoW's got plenty of books to offer and even has achievements surrounding the various books in the world. There's Well Read and the far more difficult Higher Learning, which relies on luck and being in the right place at the right time in Dalaran. You can find all kinds of books lying around Azeroth, waiting to be clicked and read -- everything from historical texts to The Fluffy Bunny, a gripping tale of a bunny named Fluffy and his friend Wuffy. There are plenty of players who don't bother reading the books you find around the world, and those players are totally missing out. Sure, there's a lot of what could be called dry lore material, but there are also books filled with jokes, fake news, and romance. Yes, romance -- the steamy kind. The authors of Azeroth don't limit themselves to boring historical recounts; a select few write the kind of bodice-ripping romance novels that usually feature Fabio on the cover and enough flowery language to seem at least somewhat respectable.
The Daily Grind: Favorite in-game items
Many of the folks we know in MMOs tend to cycle through gear fairly quickly -- unless you happen to be a raider with bad luck on drops. So when we talk to them about "favorite in-game items" we'll often hear about silly or fun things like non-combat pets, trinkets that do silly things like WoW's Orb of Deception, or pickpocketed items like the Steamy Romance Novel. Now this isn't to say it's all we hear about -- there are those amongst our ranks who have held on to old weapons that looked cool, armor that took a while to get, and the like. For today's topic, we'd like to ask you what your favorite in-game items are? Do you have a silly toy or trinket that you can't resist using every so often? Are you one of the folks who has an old weapon in the bank just because you can't stand to part with it? What item is your favorite and why?
Breakfast Topic: Funny Stuff
At some point in your WoW adventures, someone is sure to have sent you some of the funny items that are littered all over the game, such as the "Exotic Cookbook" (entitled "How to serve man"), and the "Broken I W.I.N. Button." Not too long ago, a friend of mine sent me one I hadn't seen before, the "Steamy Romance Novel," which really made me chuckle:As Nahni glided up, the grizzled warrior gave her a hard stare. "I suppose you're here to collect the reward for killing those murlocs?"Her eyes wandered down to the glowing broadsword at his side. "That depends on what the reward is, Marcus." She twirled her hair playfully, pretending not to notice how he shifted uncomfortably in her presence. "I may not want it."Marcus stepped toward her, bristling with a mixture of fear and anger. "The reward is not negotiable!" He paused for a moment while gathering his nerve, and pressed himself against her diminutive form. Their lips met hotly, melting her frost armor spell in a torrent of sweltering vapor."So, is there another step to this quest?" she teased, her eyes glittering with excitement.<This goes on for several hundred more pages, without advancing the plot.>Are there any items in this game that make you smile whenever you think of them? If you can't think of items, perhaps you know of a place or NPC? Tell us about anything you think is funny.Update: I just can't resist quoting in full some of the things that commenters have found. It's quite silly, and it really should be part of this post anyways. Click on the link to read them.
