The Onion
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'The Onion' filed a real brief with the Supreme Court supporting man jailed for making fun of cops
Anthony Novak was arrested for running a Facebook page that parodied the police department of Parma, Ohio.
The Onion: Apple to re-arrange earth to match Maps app
Now this is just funny. A hilarious video from The Onion states that Apple will respond to errors in its Maps app by rearranging the earth and its physical laws so that they match. Tim Cook is "quoted" in the parody as saying, "Apple is committed to making the best user experience possible. That's why we are working to dismantle the Brooklyn Bridge and put London in Canada." Very funny. Apple Promises To Fix Glitches In Map Software By Rearranging Earth's Geography
Should unemployed Americans buy Apple gear? The Onion weighs in
The Onion, one of our favorite sources for fake news, has done a talking heads analysis of whether the unemployed should buy Apple computers. In typical Onion fashion, they miss the point -- on purpose. The consensus? Of course the unemployed should buy Apples! You can do graphic design and look cool at Starbucks. The only person with a semi-reasonable point winds up getting tossed off the show for knowing nothing about the problem. As one analyst mentioned: "I didn't know that we'd be drinking the Apple Kool-Aid here." For a good dose of said Kool-Aid, check out the video either on the free Onion app, or on the next page.
Onion: Madden NFL 12 to let players feel tackles, go deaf from crowd noise
We realize The Onion, purveyors of funnies, is joking with this video segment past the break that details a new head-and-neck peripheral for Madden NFL 12, but we think there's actually potential here. Think about the people who play Madden: people who like football; people who play professional sports; and people who wish they still played professional sports. That last group has got memories to relive and the cash to make it happen. They've also got skulls thick enough to not die when the pistons in the helmet fire.
The Onion imagines Apple's first product release under Tim Cook
In a week filled with Verizon iPhone sales and analyst expectations, it is nice to have some humorous stories to break things up. Thanks to The Onion, Apple fans can take a look ahead at the first big announcement of a product spearheaded by interim CEO Tim Cook. The fleshy version of the MacBook was described as being "cutting-edge" by Cook and "disgusting" by those in the audience who had the privilege of experiencing the product first-hand. This latest MacBook version features shave-able USB ports, an eye-enhanced camera, keratinized keyboard and is available with a flesh-like surface that sheds monthly. The latest notebook to grace Apple's illustrious lineup also includes advanced auditory controls that provide users with life-like reactions, such as snoring when put to sleep, yelling when woken up and moaning when the battery is low. This spectacle of a device is available in 13-, 15- and 17-inch models that are powered by a 2.4 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor. Pricing for the 13-inch model will begin at $1299. Accessories for preventing systemic bacterial infection, cleaning the DVD teeth and curtailing arousal will be available soon after launch. For all the gory details, click through to The Onion and prepare to be shocked for a good laugh.
The Onion: Apple announces Friend Bar
The Onion makes with the funny in this satirical video short about the "Apple Friend Bar," a new section of Apple Stores where Apple fans can go to discuss major issues at length, such as how much better Safari is than any other browser, or "what 'the Woz' has been up to." As usual, they pretty much hit the nail on the head for the stereotypical Apple fan -- I especially laughed at the improv troupe joke. Stay tuned near the end for a joke about an in-home Apple Store -- at a cost of over $6000, it is fairly expensive, but then Apple products never are cheap. I'd love to have an Apple Store in my house right now, actually: maybe it would have an iPhone 4 in stock for me. You can watch the embedded video after the break.
Apple 'Friend Bar' will coddle and nourish your inner fanboy (video)
Do you find there aren't enough hours in the day to sing Apple's praises to the fullest? Does your list of deities begin with Steve and end with Mr. Jobs? If so, you'll want to make your way to your nearest Apple Store nice and quickly. That most reliable source of news before they happen, The Onion, reports Apple is about to open up a Friend Bar, where folks with AppleCare warranties and an unhealthy devotion to The Fruit can spout off about anything to employees trained to handle their inanity. Genius Bar productivity is said to have skyrocketed since the introduction of the new Friend staff, but don't take our word for it, skip past the break to see the 100 percent genuine news report in full.
The Onion: Google 'whisper ads' detect keywords in phone calls (video)
Oh man, The Onion really outdid itself this time. Its latest tech parody takes on ad-supported phones from Google meant to drive down the device's cost. Funny, because it's true. Users won't even remember a time when they didn't have a second voice whispered in their ear. P.S. The Yahoo dig at the end is classic.
The Onion turns us on to new, better devices
It's smaller, has fewer buttons, and comes saddled with an aspirational price tag. You want it, right? "The new device is an improvement over the old device, making it more attractive for purchase by all Americans," company spokesman Thomas Wakefield told The Onion -- and we're inclined to agree. After all, the consumer electronics industry isn't just about buying items that will improve your quality of life. No, it's also about pressing your buttons, finding ways to make you feel good about a brand -- whether through totally rad product placement or ample, yet vague, product specs. All in all, we can't say it better than a certain Robert Larson: "The new device brings me satisfaction." And you can't put a price on that, can you? Available soon for $395.
The Onion reveals Modern Warfare 3, most 'realistic' military experience yet
The Onion has the WORLD EXCLUSIVE first details of Modern Warfare 3, which developer Infinity Ward is apparently putting the "final touches on." There's so much scrumptious information in the Onion report, it's almost like the respected media source made the whole thing up. Modern Warfare 3 will blow away its predecessor in the realism department, being the most "true to life" installment of the game ever produced. A "majority" of gameplay will have players hauling equipment, cleaning vehicles, experiencing home sickness and "filling out paperwork." Check out the full report after the break. We're so bummed we weren't invited to the reveal junket, which had journalists sleeping in the Pentagon and being briefed in "the war room" (which actually has a sign: "No Fighting Allowed!").
New iPhone only visible to most loyal customers, claims The Onion
Can you spot the poseurs?
The Onion takes on Raiding
The Onion, the well-known and consistently hilarious parody news site, has turned its eyes toward World of Warcraft once again. In the past, they have introduced us to geek love in WoW and the World of World of Warcraft, and this time, they introduce us to the world of Raiding via nerd columnist Larry Groznic, who has previously written on his mastery of Quotes from Monty Python's Holy Grail and the merits of Weird Al Yankovic's Wikipedia entry.Larry's rant to an under performing guild member, while somewhat anachronistic (it focuses on a Zul'Aman raid) manages to poke fun at classic raid leader nerd rage, hilariously nonsensical guild names, perennial altoholics, and quite a few other WoW foibles. It may even hit too close to home for some of the people who might recognize some of themselves or others in Larry or his chosen victim. But hey, if we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at? The Onion's done it again, and it's worth a read.
Huge new Intel processor revealed
Even The Onion knows MIDs just aren't where the action is.
Close Range: A game about shooting people in the face
We're all for games that trim away the fat and are left with only a lean, pure gameplay experience. But we've got a gut feeling that The Onion's new title, Close Range, may be going a bit too far. The core of the game ... nay, the whole game, is shooting people point blank in the face.You can see the story on the hot new IP right after the break. As a satirical commentary on a violence-obsessed video game culture, Close Range is a little on-the-nose for our tastes. But as a visceral gaming experience, it's absolutely exthrillarating. See for yourself here.[Thanks, Top Cat]
The Onion creates MacBook Wheel parody
There's a great history of Apple parodies in pop culture, and the latest one from The Onion is particularly funny. The fictional "MacBook Wheel" replaces the traditional keyboard with a large, touch-sensitive scroll wheel. As the Apple representative demonstrates, typing "...couldn't be simpler." Just use the wheel to scroll from letter to letter via an on-screen keyboard, pressing the center button to make a selection. Easy, right?You've got to admire the effort that the folks at The Onion put into this, including the posters and set at the Apple "booth," the employee's uniform and the sweet video of the Wheel in action. They've also nailed Apple's typical release schedule, saying that "...The MacBook Wheel won't hit the shelves for another three to fifteen months." Good job, Onion! We noted the vid on Twitter last night but thought you all deserved a look.Click below to watch the video.
MacBook Wheel revealed by the Onion News Network
I never really realized how nuch I hated keybroads untill I saw this thing. Sent from my MacBook Wheel [Thanks to everyone who sent this in]
The Onion pits Snow Leopard against Windows 7, everyone wins
After that earlier piece on global e-waste, we thought you might want something to lighten the mood. Fortunately, The Onion is ready with a sardonic, blood-shot eye turned to the respective OS releases on the way from Cupertino and Redmond. Click on through for the full comparison while we pack up things from this lame, euro coffee shop. [Via Daring Fireball]
The Onion reports on World of World of Warcraft
The Onion, that bastion of truth and fair reportage, have done a piece on the latest update to the World of Warcraft franchise, and it's not Wrath of the Lich King. Hardcore fans of Blizzard will rejoice when they hear that World of World of Warcraft will finally be released.In WoWoW, players will get the chance to prove how committed they truly are, by controlling a character that's controlling a character in World of Warcraft. The video explains it all: "My avatar is the biggest World of Warcraft fan in the whole World of World of Warcraft world," gushes a player buying his copy at a retailer. Make sure to watch for the jokes embedded in the scroll at the bottom of the screen when you watch the video below the cut.
Onion unveils WoW expansion World of World of Warcraft
We hope developers learn a lesson from The Onion's above reveal of World of World of Warcraft, the new WoW expansion that lets you play as a player playing World of Warcraft. The educational take-away? It's all in the presentation. Sure, playing as a WoW-playing player is revolutionary, but if you don't have your keystroke sounds exactly right then who'll be around to experience it?Also, big ups for the added layer of detail. Letting avatars call their virtual internet service provider when their virtual connection craps out? It's virtually genius.[Via WoW Insider]
The Onion spoofs WoW with the World of World of Warcraft
The Onion, a popular news satire site, has played off the World of Warcraft before with articles such as "Baby, you mean the World of Warcraft to me," but now they've taken it to the realm of video. The Onion News Network reports on Blizzard's latest (fictional) release, World of World of Warcraft. In it, you create a real life character and guide him or her through the process of playing World of Warcraft, helping them navigate the reading of the EULA and making sure they keep rested and fed with Hot Pockets and Soda. As usual with an Onion article that targets one of my personal hobbies or lifestyle, I'm never 100% sure whether to laugh or be offended -- but in the end I pretty much always err on the side of laughing. Actually, looking the "game" closely, it almost looks a bit like The Sims. You have a character who's modeled after a modern real life person, and you have to keep them happy, well-fed, rested, and entertained. And really, WoW is a pretty legitimate form of entertainment, I'd say. In that case, maybe The Onion is just looking forward to that day when all games are connected in some sort of seamless on-line mishmash of characters and personas. Then again, maybe it's just a funny video. Anyway, go watch it.
