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Wiikly Wares: Phantasy Star IV faces Tiki Towers, Fun! Fun! Minigolf
For Christmas 2006, Nintendo gave us Super Mario Bros., Street Fighter II, Super Castlevania IV and an overpriced R-Type. Last holiday, we got Blades of Steel, Rolling Thunder 2 and Donkey Kong Country 3. This year's gifts from Nintendo are one decently sized retro outing and two stocking stuffers.WiiWare Tiki Towers (RealArcade, 1 -2 players, 500 Wii Points): Think World of Goo, but less sticky and with more bananas. Worth noting that the game is also available on the iPhone, without multiplayer but at only $0.99. Video of the game embedded after the break. Fun! Fun! Minigolf (Shin'en Multimedia, 1-4 players, 900 Wii Points): It's minigolf. We're not going to help you figure that one out. Virtual Console Phantasy Star IV (Sega Genesis, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): This marks the last in the series on Sega's console, before remakes hit the PlayStation 2 and the whole series went online. The only way for Virtual Console to go now is backwards, as we still haven't seen Phantasy Star I come out.
Wiikly Wares: Strong Bad 5, Big Kahuna Party, Enduro Racer
Before we get to the actual information, we have to take a moment to give Curtis his promised momentary fame for coming up with the name for this weekly feature. So without further ado: CURTIS! Now, with that behind us:Strong Bad Episode 5: 8-Bit Is Enough (Telltale Games, 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points): In this final (for this season, at least) installment, Strong Bad does battle with Trogdor. Our money's on the dragon with a man's arm.Big Kahuna Party (Reflexive Entertainment Inc., 1-4 players, 700 Wii Points): "So, it's a match three game with a few bells and whistles, how much do we think we can get away with charging? Pearson?" "Umm, how about eight dollars?""Well, let's not go crazy."Enduro Racer (Sega Master System, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): We like Enduro Racer, if for no other reason than the title espousing the value of endurance over speed. "Just hang in there," Enduro Racer says, "just hang in there and you'll eventually finish the race." That's the kind of tortoise-beats-hare logic we can get behind.
Wii Post: Bruiser and Scratch, Sonic, Hockey Allstar Shootout
We'd like to begin this new feature, this amalgam of new offerings on the Virtual Console and WiiWare by asking for your help: We really need a catchier title than "Wii Post." Sure, it's practical, but it's not exactly "sticky," to drop some marketing lingo on you. Leave a great new one as a comment on this post and you'll win momentary fame and the satisfaction of a job well done.WiiWare: Bruiser and Scratch (Steel Penny Games, Inc., 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points): Bruiser and Scratch is a game about a dog and a cat who solve mysteries together. In addition to its irrefutably ridiculous premise (a dog and a cat working together?), B&S also features the above image, which is literally a screenshot from the game. Hockey Allstar Shootout (Big Blue Bubble Inc., 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): You can't trust two-thirds of this game's title: This isn't actually a hockey game -- just a collection of player vs. goalie encounters -- and there are no allstars. So, with the WiiWare press release apparently penned by an unreliable narrarator, we're left with more questions than answers. Are there actual shootouts? Is it really 500 points? There's really no way to tell at this point. Virtual Console: Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (Sega Master System, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): Yeah, we know, we could have sworn this was already on Virtual Console too. [Update: Oh, that's right: It totally was. Update 2: Yes, we know they're different games. We just wanted everyone to know they're not hallucinating.]
Space Invaders Get Even with Pit Crew Panic! on WiiWare
Next week, we'll be switching formats so the WiiWare and Virtual Console posts will be combined. Let's take a quick look at the games that prompted the move: The final, breathtaking solo salvo from WiiWare Weekly. Space Invaders Get Even (Taito, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): It's completely antithetical to the whole spirit of the WiiWare Weekly post, but we're going to going ahead and admit that, judging from this YouTube review, SIGE, which lets you destroy a city as the titular invaders, actually looks pretty fun. Thanks for messing up our last hurrah, Space Invaders. Pit Crew Panic! (Hudson Entertainment, 1-4 players, 800 Wii Points): In Pit Crew Panic!, an all-female pit crew fixes cars, trains, bridges and, of course, toilets. See, now, that's the WiiWare we remember.
Strong Bad plays dangeresque target toss on WiiWare
This week's WiiWare titles serve as a great example of the best and worst that the service has to offer. Strong Bad Episode 4: Dangeresque 3 (Telltale Games, 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points): Don't be confused by the subtitle, you didn't miss Dangeresque 1 and 2. After three Strong Bad episodes, you know what to expect. This time, dying is not on the menu ... again. Dangeresque 3 was originally set to debut June 2004 in 3D but was delayed for unspecified reasons. Target Toss Pro: Bags (Incredible Technologies, 1-16 players, 700 Wii Points): It's no (Beer) Pong Toss, but paying $7 for a game simulating the tossing of a bean bag (known formerly as Cornhole in parts of the country) is a bit ridiculous, especially when the price of building your own Cornhole game is considerably less. Just because there's some real-life arm swinging involved doesn't mean you can tack on a Wii remote and charge for it. Gallery: Strong Bad Episode 4 - Dangeresque 3
It's a Yummy Yummy Cooking Jam Brain Challenge on WiiWare
These two entries to the WiiWare have been on Earth for a little over three hours now, so we're going to dispense with making any effort to educate you about them, and just skip right to the making fun of them. Yummy Yummy Cooking Jam (Virtual Toys, 1-2 players,1,000 Wii Points): Here are just a few names for a game better than Yummy Yummy Cooking Jam. (1) Stalin's Underage Keg Stand Downhill Huckjam. (2) Making Stuff Sticky 2: The Stickying. (3) Imagine Tax Adjusterz. Brain Challenge (Gameloft, 1-4 players, 1,000 Wii Points): This has been one of our favorite cellphone pastimes for ages now. So, if you use your Wii as a cellphone, we don't think you should pass it up. Also, (4) Pepsi Pete: The Podracing Penguin.
Alien Crush returns Home (Sweet Home) on WiiWare
Finding a way to combine pinball and H.R. Giger, Alien Crush Returns (Hudson Entertainment, 1-4 players, 800 Wii Points) is now available on WiiWare. The remake to 1988's Alien Crush has you facing off against insectoid monsters from outer space, using only your flippers and a large metallic sphere. Sonic Spinball would be proud. For the more faint of heart, this week also introduces to WiiWare Home Sweet Home (Big Blue Bubble Inc., 1 player, 1000 Wii Points), based on the casual PC title. It's all about bringing out the aspiring interior designer inside you, for when you want to live vicariously through the TV instead of getting off the couch to redecorate your actual living room. Gallery: Alien Crush Returns
Strong Bad joins Art Style: ROTOHEX on WiiWare
click to embiggen Whoa, ch-check out this week's WiiWare selections. No, really, check them out. Strong Bad Episode 3: Baddest of the Bands (Telltale Games, 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points): If you've played the previous Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People episodes, this is a no-brainer. If not, you're probably better off starting at episode one. Art Style: ROTOHEX (Nintendo, 1-2 players, 600 Wii Points): Another entrant from the Japanese bit generations collection. Formerly known as DIALHEX, the game is essentially a stripped-down version of Hexic. Gallery: Strong Bad Episode 3
The Incredible Maze has a Tetris Party on WiiWare
Let's not waste time with pleasantries, dear reader. It's Monday, there's WiiWare, this is it:Tetris Party (Tetris Online, Inc., 1-6 players, 1,200 Wii Points) -- The list of "Types of Party Invitations We Would Decline" is surprisingly short. There's "murder party," "fat person key party," and "Tetris party." That doesn't necessarily mean, however, that we would decline a game based on the subject. Especially when, like this one, it looks really solid.The Incredible Maze (Digital Leisure Inc., 1 player, 500 Wii Points): According to Nintendo, you navigate mazes in this game with the Wiimote or, if you prefer, the Balance Board. We say "according to Nintendo" because after looking at these actual, real screenshots, we refuse to believe this is being released for a console made in the last ten years.
World of Goo gets Art Style: CUBELLO all sticky on WiiWare
We don't have much to say about this week's WiiWare release of World of Goo (2D Boy, 1-4 players, 1,500 Wii Points) because, quite frankly, it might actually be good. While great for Wii owners, it makes the weekly announcement post quite boring. We have even less to say about this week's other WiiWare offering Art Style: CUBELLO (Nintendo, 1 player, 600 Wii Points) since, much like last month's Art Style: ORBIENT, there's virtually nothing on the internet about it that we can find. From the official description, it sounds like Cubello might be a remake of the bit Generations title Coloris. Is this and Goo enough of an incentive to finally give Mega Man 9 a break? Gallery: World of Goo
WiiWare goes Midnight Bowling with MadStone
You know the great thing about writing about WiiWare every week? Often, the comedy writes itself. Let's take a look at the description for Midnight Bowling (Gameloft, 1-4 players, 800 Wii Points) shall we? "Plunge directly into the trendy and electric atmosphere of Midnight Bowling. With awesome playing sensations, prepare for ultra-fun gaming thanks to a new physics engine that lets you control your throws precisely and easily with your Wii Remote." Controlling bowling ball throws with the WiiMote? Let us be the first to say: Finally. (Comedy bonus: The description also boasts you'll be playing in "the trendiest bowling spots on the planet" which is a little like bragging that you give the world's most pleasurable spinal tap.)Also, there's MadStone (Riverman Media, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points), the true glory of which you can only appreciate with the post-break video.
Bomberman blows up Art Style: ORBIENT on WiiWare
God, this just keeps getting better. We thought that last week was the best example of a known quantity trying to sneak its creepy friend past the bouncer and into Club WiiWare, but it's been absolutely topped.On the one hand, you have Bomberman Blast (Hudson Entertainment, 1-8 players, 1,000 Wii Points) all decked out in his finest suit. He's making eyes at the ladies and he just bought Cristal for everyone in the club. He's the superstar and he knows it.Then we have Art Style: ORBIENT (Nintendo, 1 player, Rated E for Everyone, 600 Wii Points) which we can find practically nothing on. Seriously. GoNintendo has a single screen shot and Silicon Era thinks it's a Bit Generations game. And that's it. To continue the above analogy, Art Style: ORBIENT is the equivalent of the Little Rascals standing on each others shoulders in a trench coat, and insisting to the bouncer that they're "a real grownup who just wants to drink all the beer and kiss pretty ladies."How do they make it inside? It's a mystery.
WiiWare adds Mega Man 9 and an utter mystery
We knew that today would be the day, but still, it feels a little momentous: We, the one-man staff of WiiWare Weekly, are proud to announce ... that there's a good, exclusive game on WiiWare: Mega Man 9 (Capcom, 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points) will be available at noon today. Yeah, it's only exclusive for three days, but it's exclusive for now, and you can't take that away from us.As if to counterbalance the modicum of confidence we can place in WiiWare with Mega Man's arrival, he'll be showing up with (we kid you not) PLÄTTCHEN twist 'n' paint (Bplus, 1-8 players, Rated E for Everyone, 1,000 Wii Points) in tow. According to the release, you'll (we're still not kidding), "Play as one of the countless FantasyMEs and fight as an astronaut, butterfly, car or football against sharks, cowboys, asteroids and skulls in numerous, fabulous fantasy Worlds."... When Haley Joel Osment finally finishes that biopic about the brilliant yet cripplingly autistic boy who manages to create a WiiWare game every week, we imagine the part where his game PLÄTTCHEN twist 'n' paint is released with Mega Man 9 will be the equivalent of "the big game."
Strong Bad returns to WiiWare with Potpourrii
While the weekly update to WiiWare normally presents opportunity, this week it's more notable for what you won't be doing. The first thing that's off-limits? Trying to handle Strong Bad's style. The malicious, masked midget returns this week with Strong Bad's Cool Game For Attractive People Episode 2: Strong Badia the Free (Telltale Games, 1 player, 1,000 Wii Points).The other thing you won't be doing? Having any inkling of what Potpourrii (Abstraction Games, 1-2 players, Rated E for Everyone, 800 Wii Points) is. Here, from its (unedited) description in the official Nintendo release: "For centuries, the seasons have followed a set pattern. But then things start to go awry in the forest. Suddenly it's snowing while the sun shines and flowers bloom while leaves are falling. Then a strange purple goo appears. The leprechauns are stunned. Even worse, the magic oak of life loses its power. It all turns out to be the fault of an evil wizard."Later, it mentions the word "puzzle," but our reading comprehension abilities were already torn asunder at that point. If you can handle it, check out an ad for the game after the break.
Groovin' Blocks falls onto WiiWare
What's the problem with not having demos for WiiWare games like Groovin' Blocks (Empty Clip Studios, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points)? It forces you, the consumer, to make your purchasing decision based on a game's name (which, let us remind you, is "Groovin' Blocks") or on a short gameplay clip like the one after the jump, which you should watch only if your Monday morning is just a bit too exciting and you need to slow things down a bit. Armed with both of these tools, we assume you'll come to the same purchasing decision as the rest of the planet.
My Aquarium probably won't be yours today on WiiWare
Here's a great example of why you shouldn't sleep in. Every week, Nintendo sends out a release about its new downloadable game offerings of the week. My dear, close friend Ross, still flush with joy from his trip to PAX, gets to the email first and ends up writing about the Virtual Console release, the totally awesome Super Mario RPG while I, still groggy from choosing a Sunday night to make myself the Mayor of Lower New Drunkington, get to write about the WiiWare side of the coin: My Aquarium (Hudson Entertainment, 1 player, 500 Wii Points).So, here we go: My Aquarium is a virtual aquarium, similar to a real aquarium in every way except that it never forces you to teach your children complicated and often troubling lessons about death. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to bed.
Helix dances onto WiiWare
We don't have any idea if Helix (1 player, Rated E for Everyone, 1,000 Wii Points) will be fun or responsive. We don't know if there's enough for the money, or if it's mind-bogglingly buggy. All we know is that the rhythm-music game (developed by Ghostfire Games) allows you to follow along with an onscreen robot as you dance in time with 26 different songs and (in the process) get a little exercise. We don't know much about how good Helix will be. But what we do know is that it's different. And for a service that (with few exceptions) has become something of a dumping ground for cast-offs and cash-ins, that's just about the most refreshing thing we can imagine.
Finally, Midnight Pool breaks on WiiWare
WiiWare, apparently exhausting itself by being worthwhile last week, has returned to its tried-and-true policy of being completely unworthy of your attention. This week, we've got Gameloft's Midnight Pool (1-2 players, 800 Wii Points), which promises to introduce you to the "coolest players on the circuit" while making no mention of Wii-specific motion controls. Awesome.This would be lame any other week, but consider that the Virtual Console got another sub-par pool game last week and it's downright sad.
Wild West Guns fire onto WiiWare
The untamed wilderness that was the American west in the 19th Century was tough, mister. You never knew when a balloon with dynamite attached to it would float up from the ground and try to attack, not to mention the giant flying sheriff's badges. Purple kamikaze midgets were around every corner, and you couldn't walk 10 feet without getting sombreros thrown at you.Now, there's a game that captures the West, the real West in all its hat-tossing, purple-kamikaze-midget-having glory: Wild West Guns (Gameloft, 1-2 players, 1,000 Wii Points). Eat your hearts out, Carradines David and Keith. Eat them right out.
Pirates find The Key of Dreams on WiiWare
Just when we uber-jaded game journalists start to think that there's nothing new under the fun, we always end up getting surprised in the oddest places. Like today, Oxygen Games has presented us with an entirely new genre with today's WiiWare addition: Pirates: The Key of Dreams (1-4 players, 1,000 Wii Points), a "frantic nautical shooter."We were dying to know what that could mean, that is, until we heard the game's intro music, at which point were were simply dying. After a lunge for the mute button, we were actually pretty intrigued by what we saw. Do you think you might be open to some "frantic nautical combat"?
