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Japanese hardware sales, 31 July - 6 August: heavy meta

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Though we may frequently appear to be aloof, apathetic or altogether addicted to awe-inspiring alliteration, the Joystiq crew is actually attentively attuned to the needs of its readers and commenters. We know what you want, and what you want is what we know -- that is to say, we'll teach you how to make an official Joystiq Japanese sales chart post in the comfort of your very own home!

Step 1: Create a terrible introductory paragraph

The introductory paragraph helps ease the reader into the wealth of information provided by one of these posts. It functions like a soft mattress placed in-between the reader and the pit of rusty nails that is the weekly onslaught of numbers. Make sure that the introductory paragraph is self-referential, wildly incoherent and not even remotely related to the actual sales numbers. You may introduce a second paragraph if you feel the mattress needs to be thicker, though it's recommended that you implement a silly allegory to maintain interest and "humor."

A third paragraph, however, is most certainly not recommended. It will only serve to anger those that are eager to reach the actual information.

Step 2: Insert the sales information obtained from Media Create:

The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 163,572 13,281 (7.51%)
- PSP: 49,352 6,748 (15.84%)
- PS2: 25,987 464 (1.75%)
- GBA SP: 2,784 555 (24.90%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,928 162 (9.17%)
- Xbox 360: 1,389 857 (38.16%)
- DS Phat: 1,159 371 (24.25%)
- Gamecube: 904 135 (12.99%)
- GBA: 34 25 (277.77%)
- Xbox: 14 3 (27.27%)

Step 3: Create a final paragraph (must be worse than introductory paragraph)

In your final paragraph, you may opt to analyze the week's sales trends (the Xbox is always a hilarious topic), possibly referring to coinciding NPD reports or pointing out how the DS Lite outsells everything, in the universe, ever. Alternatively, you may use it as a denouement to any running jokes you regrettably started in Step 1.

[Source: Media Create]

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