Citing fear that students will get hurt and sue, an elementary school south of Boston has banned tag, touch football, and all other "chase games" from the playground. Students should also be advised to take caution when racing one another; should one student take the lead it might be observed that the other students are merely "chasing" first place. To alleviate confusion, all students should run in straight lines and finish each race in a virtual tie.
Even though 40% of every Joystiq writer's childhood was wasted on video games, we can't help but look back fondly on games where we would run around in circles smacking one another until we grew tired or our parents called us in for dinner. This incident is just part of a growing trend. Restricting a child's choices for recess will impede on their desire to actually enjoy physical activity and increase the chances of obesity, perpetuating an already-growing problem in America. And guess which popular entertainment medium will be faulted for the overweight adolescents?
Next time: basketball, hopscotch, and all other "jump games" are banned from schoolyards everywhere, citing fear that children with no balance will fall down and skin their knees.