Breakfast Topic: If real life were a patch

In honor of today's long awaited update, this morning's Breakfast Topic poses a patch-related proposition. Player Beardsley of the Tichondrius server posed a very interesting question: If real life were an upcoming patch, what would you put in it?

Answers from the thread is very inventive. Here are my favorites so far:

• Fixed a problem with gas prices not resetting.

• A new zone has been added, "Mars"

• We have found nuclear bombs to have had an unfair advantage in the Battlegrounds and will be receiving a significant nerf.

What kind of RL patch notes would you like to see?

NOTE: Keep it clean and unoffensive, please.