Metareview: Star Trek: Conquest

We were excited when we heard that Bethesda was bringing Star Trek: Conquest to the Wii, even more so when the strategy/shooter's $30 budget pricing was revealed ($15 for the PS2 version). So, now that it's out, is it worth its weight in gold-pressed latinum? Well, no.

IGN -- 68%: Though Star Trek: Conquest is technically sound, IGN doesn't think there's enough there to warrant pruchasing: "The game is obviously a quick cash-out strategy game that does little to innovate, and lacks the serious depth it takes to sit among the ranks of strategy greats ... For starters, there's no multiplayer at all in the game, so while it's a turn-based board game in nearly every respect, you'll be playing one-on-one with the computer only, rather than bringing friends into the action via local or online play. Even further, the game has no real story mode, as it only includes a user-defined 'Campaign' mode and skirmish extra mode."

Gamespy -- 20%: GameSpy agrees, and takes issue with its combat portions and inaccuracies: "It's not a very good shooter, with trudging controls, no choice over which of your ships you control (you only get to control one), and bland graphics. And just to drive the license fully into the ground, you'll encounter fun things like Borg spheres as fast/light 'scout' vessels. Technically, Conquest could be worse, since it loads quickly and has no real technical issues. But there is simply no reason to play this game or spend the money on it."

Remember how every other episode of The Next Generation climaxed with some sort of warp core breach that required a saucer separation? The red alert klaxon would sound off and the camera would cut to a shot of Geordi rolling dramatically under one of the descending emergency gates, just narrowly escaping death and ensuring he'd be around to host another episode of Reading Rainbow.

We imagine that's just how your Christmas morning would play out if someone were to gift you Star Trek: Conquest, except instead of a saucer separation, you'll be running out of the house and jumping into your car, driving away as fast as possible, glancing at your rearview mirror just in time to see your house explode spectacularly behind you.