Three titles join Zelda II's Virtual Console celebration

After approximately 325 different and generally inappropriate permutations, we finally concluded that the above and dreadfully straightforward headline would be best suited to conveying the arrival of today's four new old Virtual Console games. "Zelda Moons Midori on Funkotron" was certainly a viable option, but it simply inspired the wrong sort of mental image. We actually want you to envision these four games arriving on the Wii's Virtual Console service at 9AM PST today:

• Milon's Secret Castle (NES, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): Though it's not much of a secret castle if the title gives it away, it certainly is one that adheres to video game tradition. Expect to rescue a princess and several valuable items -- musical instruments in this case -- within its recesses.
  

• ToeJam & Earl in Panic on Funkotron (Genesis, 1-2 players, 800 Wii Points): Video game tradition is given the boot here, with amusingly mismatched aliens, Toejam & Earl, saving their planet by ridding it of a human scourge.
  

• Dead Moon (TurboGrafx16, 1 player, 600 Wii Points): Alright, now we're back to protecting the Earth from alien invasion. It's why we have side-scrolling shooters like this one.
  

• Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (NES, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): Everyone's favorite pointy-eared protagonist returns to Hyrule in the Virtual Console's 100th release. Aid Link in his battle against the forces of evil, Zelda's newfound narcoleptic tendencies and an endless wave of best Zelda ever / worst Zelda ever controversy.