Latest in Gaming

Image credit:

Let my Orc shoulders grow

Mike Schramm

Change comes a lot in this game. Some changes are small, and some are big. Some changes players hate at first, and then they learn to live with and even like them. But some changes are simply and totally unacceptable. And of course when I say that, I mean the change to the male Orc shoulder size.

We male Orcs are especially proud of our powerful, broad shoulders. I love my shoulder pieces-- I once ran UBRS countless times (and I do mean countless times-- just ask my guild, who I dragged through with me) just to get the Pauldrons of Elements. We have broad, towering, expansive shoulder armor, and we are respected, loved, and feared because of it. Your male Orc Warlocks, your Warriors, your Shamans, Rogues and Hunters all stand proud knowing that each of our shoulder pieces is as big as our head.

Or at least they were. Now, after the patch, they're small, a fraction of their former size. They're diminuitive, tiny, and a paltry shadow of what they should be. They're-- dare I say it-- puny and pathetic. We are male Orcs! Like Thrall, we are the real heroes of Warcraft. We're the ones who rage into battle at a moment's notice. If anyone deserves gigantic shoulders, it's us. We are true heroes, sung and unsung-- we are Orc males, and our shoulders must be large, majestic, and befitting of our muscular stature. Blizzard has acknowledged the bug, sure, and they say it'll be fixed in the next major patch.

But this-- this, my friends, is a true injustice. The next time you see your favorite male Orc, don't make jokes about whether size matters or not. Resist the urge to mention "shrinkage." We are our shoulders, their size, their width, their girth-- when they suffer, we suffer as well.

[ Thanks to all who sent this in-- I feel your pain, my brethren! ]

From around the web

ear iconeye icontext filevr