Star Tropics, King of Fighters '94 arrive on Virtual Console

Those are the only two titles you'll get this week, though we can't imagine anybody being displeased by the one-two punch of an intriguing island adventure and a 14-year old battle royal. Well, perhaps we could imagine someone turning his or her nose up to that, but only because said person doesn't enjoy being punched, a sensation that all too frequently accompanies the Wii's Virtual Console additions.

• Star Tropics (NES, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): Recoil in horror as you learn... that your... dear uncle... Dr. Jones... has been kidnapped! Obey flabby, shirtless men, embark on an epic island quest and question whether being constantly labeled as an "ace pitcher" is some sort of sexual advance! Also, murder a large snake by shoving a yo-yo down its throat!
  

• The King of Fighters '94 (NEOGEO, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): KOF up the money and SNK's Super Bogard Bros. is yours. The first edition in a long line of three-on-three team pummeling games, this may be worth some fisticuffs if you've not been swayed by the 89 sequels since.