Your heart pounds like a blown-out speaker as you riffle through your trusty Infinideep Knapsack -- as would any other heart unfortunate enough to find itself in the chest of someone currently occupying the lair of a Slavering Fangbeast. Your trusty Bacon Helmet, bought for a small fortune from Ozz Ennennz, Master Retailer of Mystickal Meatcrafts and Armories, did not seem to make you invisible to the furious creature's eyes, as the duplicitous merchant had promised -- rather, it would seem the beast had taken a keen interest in your pork fat chapeau. With the Fangbeast's breath upon your nape, you know you only have seconds to act...
- To draw your Sunsteel Elfblade and strike at the Slavering Fangbeast's throat, skip to paragraph A!
- To read aloud the mystical "Fireglaive" spellscroll, skip to paragraph B!
B. Flinging your Bacon Helmet into the monster's saliva-flooded maw, you retreat to a well-lit corner of the room, and withdraw the mighty "Fireglaive" spellscroll, the same piece of mystical parchment that had gotten you out of many a similar predicament. As the beast finishes its fashionable snack, you don your reading glasses, then read aloud the mystical runes scribbled onto the surface of that sacred text:
"- PSP: 85,721 35,243 (29.14%)
- DS Lite: 47,1588,032 (14.55%)
- Wii: 46,296 1,678 (3.76%)
- PS3: 8,232 3,071 (27.17%)
- PS2: 6,834 3,589 (34.43%)
- Xbox 360: 1,147 305 (21.01%)."
You realize (with terror) that you recently let your brother, Purvis the Adequate, borrow ol' "Fireglaive" to clear out a rather bothersome termite infestation in his thatched roof cottage. The Fangbeast makes a brief, snarky comment about how the Japanese have apparently stopped playing video games, then returns to the task of unhinging his jaw, and swallowing you whole. The End.
[Source: Media Create]
See: The slavering archives