I am writing to you, with great difficulty I might add, about a matter very dear to my heart. I understand that not all members of the human race find us endearing, but I would greatly and truly appreciate it if you would be a dear and stop hunting my kind, the deer. Isn't that what your dearly beloved technology is for?
Why not purchase a copy of Atari's "most intense virtual hunting experience ever created," Deer Hunter Tournament? Set for release this Fall on Xbox 360 and PC, it promises "true-to-life animal behaviour," a variety of hunting modes, techniques and tools, and online multiplayer (though I'm sure you would prefer online mullet-player). And for only $19.99, or $39.99 for the Xbox 360 version, you'll get to hunt deer without forcing me to deal with all the painful repercussions.
Plus, you know, it'll help you with your dire aiming and embarrassing tracking abilities. I'm writing this with your stationery and making a complete mess of the study.