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Forum post of the day: If the NBA was like the Arena...

Amanda Dean

It's pretty clear that despite it's flaws, I love the Arena. I know that a lot of people don't but usually the forums are filled with complaints rather than constructive criticism. I was pleasantly surprised by a post in the PvP forums that was amusing and made a great analogy for the Arena Syatem. Phel of Tichondrius compared arenas to the NBA. I've included his complete list after the break.

1. Players 7 feet and over would insist that their height had nothing to do with how good they were and that short people simply needed to L2P.

1a. Players over 7 feet tall would also point to Spud and Mugsey as proof that all other short people simply need to L2P.

2. The team that wins the championship would also get the first round draft pick, because it just makes sense to give the best team an even bigger advantage to make sure they stay the best.

3. College teams of any level would be able to hire NBA players to get them into the playoffs or further, depending on how much they were willing to spend.

3a. NCAA Division 3 and NAIA college teams would constantly be running into last year's NBA champions and having their win/loss record reflect it like they just played another college team. The NBA players would say it's because they're bored, L2P noobs.

3b. The championship teams that play the NCAA and NAIA teams from 3a will never figure out that the college teams do not care that the NBA teams have better shoes, jerseys, and gatorade than they do. They just want to play other college teams at their own skill level.

4. Once a team realizes they cannot win the championship legitimately, they'll split the team into 2 or more teams and just play against each other to boost one team's playoff seed to as high as possible.

5. Every year, the rules are changed to make one position much better than another. One year it will be Guard, the next it will be Power Forward. Centers will always be overpowered though.

5a. The MVP from each season will be someone who plays the position that the rules currently favor most. They will insist they are simply more skilled. Except for Centers, they're always just skilled.

5b. The championship team will contain a disproportionate number of the position of players who the rules have recently been changed to favor. They will also insist they are simply more skilled. Except for Centers, they're always just skilled.

6. Number of points awarded for a basket increases every season.

7. The head of the NBA itself would release statistics that show that Centers are actually not as dominant as they would like them to be.

7a. The head of the NBA would also be playing Center and rockin' a championship ball in the first week of the season.

8. Centers would vehemently insist that it is not them that is "overpowered", it is the damn Guards that give them the ball. Nerf Guards.

8a. Centers would conveniently forget that last season they insisted their dominance was due to the Forwards giving them the ball. The rules have since been changed to make Forwards considerably less useful, so all Centers now must get the ball from a Guard.

- Some players would be allowed to "cheat turnover." After losing the ball, they are given 3 seconds in which they cannot be called on a violation, foul or otherwise, so that they can get the ball back. This is perfectly balanced by only allowing them to use it once per minute.

EDIT: To include some of the better ones that I didn't make

9. Nba centers would be given "get over here" cords. On attempting any sort of long ranged shots, shooters would be immediately catapulted with 1 yard of a center or the center shot to within 1 yard of the shooter. Centers would insist this is entirely fair because "how am i supposed to block your shot if i can never reach it".

10. Foul calls would be RNG based.

11. Baskets would be RNG based, there would be a "reject mechanism" install in basket rings, upon a ball passing through it a random number would be generated, if the number was a "fail roll" the net would close launching the ball back out.

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