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Army of Two crotch-hoisting its way to the big screen

What we would've given to be a fly on the wall in this pitch:

EA: "Hey, so ... we have this game, right? Army of Two. The one with the fist-bumping meatheads with the death masks? We think it would make a great motion picture!"

Hollywood: "... Are you totally high?"

Despite having nothing going for it, EA somehow managed to convince Universal to bring the oh-so-forgettable, crotch-hoisting, buddy-cop antics of Army of Two's [generic character A] and [generic character B] to the silver screen.

Writer slash director slash producer slash sucker Scott Z. Burns will bring the future Oscar contender to the screen using all the tricks he learned co-writing The Bourne Ultimatum, The Informant, and co-producing An Inconvenient Truth. Burns gushes, "I'm thrilled that EA and Universal see the potential to make a smart thriller that has real implications in the world we live in today." Wow, we were totally thinking the same thing!

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