HOW TO QUINCY:Co-workers, esteemed colleagues,
The time grows near when the Joystiq staff must choose the games which should be honored in our annual Top 10 list. I'm sure that you, like me, have had no small amount of difficulty separating the wheat from the chaff in what has proven to be a wheat-filled year. A Microsoft Word document currently sits minimized on my taskbar, where I attempted earlier this week to choose the greatest title which dropped in the past 365 days. I say "attempted," as I was unsuccessful in choosing just one game to hold this honor.
However, when I compiled this list, I hadn't yet entered the Home beta -- nor had I been introduced to the gameplay experience that would sweep me off my feet faster and harder than anything in any other 2008 title has before. What started out as a minor distraction in a fairly distraction-free virtual world has become an obsession. A calling. I speak, of course, of the timeless art of Quincying.
Rather than write out a length of wordy prose, I want to share with you the step-by-step instructions on how you can start Quincying the next time you log into Home.
- Create an attractive female avatar. This should not be very difficult.
- Create a "Quincy" -- the most unappealing, disfigured Elephantine man as you can possibly craft using the avatar creation tools. Again, this should not be difficult. My Quincy looks a bit like an alternate-universe version of Perez Hilton, but with a curly mustache and clear side-effects of methamphetamine abuse.
Setting the Trap
- As your attractive female avatar (AFA), go to a crowded area. The central hub is a great place to learn how to Quincy, as it is full of lonely suitors and needless dancing.
- Approach a lonely suitor.
- Don't just run up and start dancing. Strike up a conversation, ask where they're from. Get them interested.
- After cordial introductions, begin dancing with a suitor. Should other suitors begin to dance with and/or cat-call you, all the better -- but keep your focus on the original suitor.
- When you're positive you've got all the suitors' attention, and you're in the middle of a provacative dance, you're ready to go.
- The Art of Quincying is not just the action itself, but the build-up. If you've followed directions so far, you've probably got a nice following.
- Your Quincy can't just appear, you need to say something in the chat to hint at the fact that things are about to get very, very weird for any and all nearby suitors.
- Suggestions: Simply shout "IT'S A TRAP" or, when asked where you're from, answer "Your nightmares."
- As SOON as said message is transmitted, open up your wardrobe menu, and switch to your Quincy.
- Exit the menu as quickly as possible. If done correctly, your avatar will have continued its provocative dance, albeit with a new, horrifying appearance.
- The typical male reaction to a well-executed quincying is an immediate ceasing of dancing, and a hasty retreat from the newly transformed Quincy.
- Occasionally, a suitor will stick around, laughing the experience off. This behaviour should be discouraged.
- Deliver said discouragement by changing back to your AFA, and resume dancing with the suitor.
- The loneliest suitors will continue their dance, though perhaps with a healthy amount of trepidation.
- Punish their persistence with a swift revert back to the Quincy.
- Repeat as needed.