GDC09: We write some jokes for Tim Schafer

Hosting the annual Game Developer Choice Awards is no joke -- but one does require plenty of amusing witticisms to make it off the stage alive. Double Fine's Tim Schafer has foolishly agreed to host the show again this year, prompting a mad quest to find the lolz necessary to combat the lulls. If you want to pretend to help him out, you can play the amazing adventure game, Host Master and the Conquest of Humor.

Us? We're going to rescue the man from catastrophic embarrassment by offering the following jokes, free of charge:

• "Grand Theft Auto IV's a big contender tonight. Is anybody surprised? I know I'm not the only one who had a great time cruising around in stolen vehicles, running over prostitutes, doing stylish, drive-by shootings -- and then thought, 'Man, somebody should make a game out of this!'"

• "Despite what some of you may think, being chosen as a GDC awards host is actually one of my most cherished successes. It makes up for my failure to get the Guitar Hero publisher to put out my game about a hero with a guitar."

• "The program says that Metal Gear Solid 4 is up for the Best Writing award. That's a bit of a typo -- it's actually up for Most Writing."

• "Spore's nominated for a tech award tonight, but I thought it was oddly topical too. I spent a huge amount of time creating and investing in this wonderful, charming race of adventurers ... but then they got wiped out by some space marines."

• "You might have heard about some behind-the-scenes consternation this morning, when we almost sent the best audio award to the developers of Killzone. Don't get me wrong, the audio in that game is great, but the winner was Dead Space. You'd be surprised at how many people get those mixed up."

• "The current economy is making us all reconsider our game budgets. In fact, Bethesda has reduced their graphics team to just one guy. For Fallout 4, he's just going to wait 20 years and take a picture of his backyard."

You can thank us later, Tim! Seriously, thank us at the end of the show.