Time Is Money: AMG Farmville!

Basil Berntsen
B. Berntsen|04.01.10

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Basil Berntsen
April 1st, 2010
In this article: april-fools-2010
Time Is Money: AMG Farmville!

New Note, New New Editor: Sorry for the recent, uh, Madness. Let's get back to online games, shall we? And what better way than Farmville Insider! Wait, guys, don't go! We have the lewt guidez and cheatses!

The new Farmville Insider is proud to present Time Is Money, Farmville! This column is now dedicated to the art of making virtual coin and building virtual farm in the massively successful Facebook game, Farmville! Go get your parents' credit card, sit down, and be prepared to be grounded until you're 18, because here we go!

Playing Farmville is far more entertaining than watching paint dry. It's in fact much closer to watching grass grow! There are several important features you should know about, so let's get started!

Mohawk > Not Mohawk

Purple is, of course, better than green, however you are free to choose either. WARNING! Do not click on any other hairstyles, as they are not mohawks.

Spam your friends

One of the most important parts of this game is making sure your friends know exactly what it is you are doing. When in doubt, click "yes" to everything, and be absolutely certain that everyone knows as much about your farm as possible! The vacant lots next to your farm are failure points. Each vacant lot is one lot that's not filled by a happy helpful co-worker or acquaintance!

Also, not to be missed: At the top of the page, you can invite specific friends to share in your farm. I suggest picking co-workers and acquaintances first, because this is the best way to get to know people better!

Acquire bling!

Farmville, like most good games, offers you the possibility of bling acquisition. The best way to acquire said bling is to purchase it with real money.

Why pay rent (or allow your parents to do so) for a cheap apartment when you would own your very own epic museum or chateau (French for castle!) for considerably less money?

Handling AFF (away from farm) time

Now if you follow my advice here, you will likely be grounded for significant amounts of time in the near future. As such, I've prepared a survival guide that should help your farm weather the storm.
  • Try to sneak some sort of laptop into your room that will allow you to harvest and replant via a neighbor's wifi.
  • Switch from quick-growing crops like strawberries to longer growth ones like wheat and squash when you expect the credit card bill to come in.
  • Give your friends the password you use for Facebook and everything so they can take care of your farm for you.
  • Pitch a fit -- who knows, it may work well enough to get you a few minutes on the computer while your parents call their parents for advice.
[Image credit: warrenski via flickr]

bringin' sexy back!Farming is teh bestest! Farmville is the awesomest game in the history of games, end of discussion. Farmville has transcended the Facebook application status, and is now the end that justifies the means of Facebook's existence. It's true -- if it weren't for this game, nobody would ever need to go back there. It's just a matter of time till they go MMO and become the dominant company on the planet. Can you imagine how freakin' awesome a Farmville MMO would be? I'd totally roll a level one farmer and, like, be one with my crops. Hey look, it's an animated gif! Just to the left! I remember those -- they were awesome, before YouTube. I wonder if I can find a way to upload this one to YouTube. Hey, editors! You want this for Moviewatch?
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