Analysts see iPhone remaining exclusive to AT&T, spurring sales of anti-depressants

Those among you hoping for an impending dissolution of AT&T's exclusive hold (or testicular constriction, if you will) on the iPhone may want to sit down before reading the following words. According to AppleInsider, two separate analysts are making similar predictions that the iPhone will remain shackled to AT&T's network, offering the iPad-AT&T partnership as evidence. It's ok, I wept too.

Vijay Jayant, of Barclays Capital, was quoted as saying "(The) launch of Apple's iPad on AT&T's network is a vote of confidence in AT&T's network by the equipment maker." I don't know which part of that statement I find more shocking and disturbing. The possibility of his prediction being accurate, or the notion that someone has confidence in AT&T's network? That's infreakingsane! Jayant, however, sees this pact lasting only through the remainder of 2010, as do the folks at Credit Suisse who echoed similar projections last week. I suppose we can hold out hope for another 10 months.

Personally, I'm going to deny this rumor exists in hopes of preventing its materialization. I cast thee out, demon, and unhear your blasphemy!