Kinect can measure your bodily proportions in 3D and hence ontogenetically estimate your age? Well grandma, it can. Aside from being incredibly impolite, a recent patent application from Redmond also highlights a more beneficial function: to prevent kids from watching or playing age-restricted media. The proposed system could even shut down inappropriate material automatically when an offending minor steps in the room and then resume it when they leave. On the other hand, we give it five minutes before some scheming rugrat with a distorting lens tweets a workaround.